Not Our Home

i've started and deleted this post quite a few times now as i have no words to describe my thoughts.

my heart breaks for my family- this is a nightmare no parent should ever have to go through and this is their second time around.

we met as a family last night to have some time together before the visitation and funeral, and to say our good-byes to gabriel.
it was so hard.
i just keep repeating to myself over and over, "this world is not our home."
this world is NOT our home.

joan and i were pregnant together with gabriel and shaeya.
she was 12 weeks ahead of me. i remember when gabriel was born and i held him for the first time. i remember thinking he was so beautiful and so perfect and he made me SO anxious to meet my own baby.

turns out they looked a lot alike- with their matching blonde hair and brown eyes, and their tiny little frames.











i remeber one sunday when they were 3 years old and i was teaching sunday school for their class. i gathered all the kids together and sat down with them on the floor. i told them we were gonna have some prayer time, and i asked if anyone had anything they wanted to pray for.
gabriel raised his hand and said, "i have a brother named joshua and he died. he's in heaven with Jesus, and i want to pray for him."
so we did.

and now they are together.....would've loved to be there to see them meet for the first time.

someday.....someday we'll all be there and we'll finally see the big picture and we'll have all the answers. and we'll be bettter able to grasp that this world is not our home. it is NOT our home.
but until then, we will miss you gabriel. you were such a sweet, beautiful little boy.

okay, switching gears here-
i still haven't put clothes away from our trip or made it to the grocery store- i haven't had a day home to get things done, and i'm just really unmotivated and tired.
and it doesn't help that wren has been up every 2 hours to eat for the last few nights, and is not napping well during the day.

but this morning i had all my neices here (except for kali) and we had a good time. it was great to have them for awhile and to just lose myself in having fun with them.
we braided hair, ate snacks, and did crafts at the table. or as koa would say-
"crack at the table."
"yea, i wanna do crack!!! i wanna do crack at the table!!!"
guess i should make sure she doesn't blurt that out in public.



and if you're a really good aunt, then when you're short a few paintbrushes you let them use your make-up brushes.
priorities, right??



and speaking of tekoa.....
yesterday she walks up to me with a daiper and says, "hey mom, will you help me put this on wren?"
when i ask her why she says, "cause she pooped in her other one."
and yep, i found wren daiperless on my rug in the livingroom. her little bare bottom spreading poop all over the rug. thanks for the help tekoa.

2 other blog-worthy tekoa sayings-
we went out to dinner last night and tekoa picked the pepper shaker up off the table and said, "this salt is all dirty."
and then the other night i was singing her a bedtime song and she asked me if i could turn it up a little bit louder. :)

well that's about it-
tomorrow is the funeral. i hope the rain lets up and i hope i make it through my song with the kids at the graveside service. we're singing "Jesus loves the little children."
keep praying for the reinhards.