Tuesday, October 23, 2012

one last soccer game of the season and then we were off!

we made it to gulf shores in 12 1/2 hours! the kids did great! :)
okay traveling is not so rough with a dvd player ;)

we had a WONDERFUL vacation :)  

the kids had a blast with their friends and with the 2 girls we brought to babysit.

and dave and i thoroughly enjoyed going out with our friends every night :)
it was a very, very relaxing and stress free week.  wonderful.

the ride home didn't go nearly as smoothly with neiko crying/whining/asking for things most of the time.  but eventually he fell asleep :)

we came back home to cold weather and the school's big fall fundraiser, so it was kind of an abrupt transition back into life....

my beautiful and vain and sweet tekoa :)
i captured these as she was outside playing.  yes, she dresses up to play outside.  and wants her hair done :)

trouble :)
mostly since i've been home my days have been filled with bathing, changing, feeding, holding, and loving baby Kevin.
i have him 5 days a week. 
our families lives are intertwining more and more.  LaKisha's car broke down and she needed help to get it to shop.  the repairs will cost as much as the car is worth, and with 4 kids we decided she needs something bigger.  we are looking around for a minivan, and we are so thankful for our friends and family who are willing to help look and help contribute.  i know God has a van out there somewhere it is just taking a long time to find it!

and i have heard from some that maybe i am taking on too much......  
i DO get tired and worn out, but it's easy for me to look in this little face and see Jesus.  that i am serving my Father.  i feel His blessing.  i wouldn't trade that for anything.  
and my kids are doing FINE.  it's good for them even.  they get to see what it means to love just because Jesus loves us- and why not put action to the words that we preach to them? 

ah the bumbo bath :) makes me miss bumbo bathing my own babies.....but i don't miss the poop/puke explosions that lead up to it! :)

in other news, we finally put our back splash on! that was a long time coming :) but worth the wait!
Dave installed it on Saturday, and i sealed it on Tuesday.  
with Kevin, Neiko, Wren, and Tekoa as an audience.  took me all day ;)

and an update on my nephew Trey.  isn't he the cutest thing EVER?!?!?!
i got to feed him a bottle today.  so sweet!
he is 10 weeks old now and 15 1/2 lbs. birth mom's rights have been terminated, and dad's will be soon!   

and here is our family portrait by Tekoa.  i LOVE it.  i'm thinking it could work for our Christmas card pic this year.....it just captures us all so well, doesn't it?


she is LOVING kindergarten- such a sweetie.  i am enjoying her so much right now.  she is always brushing my hair, or painting my toes- she's been playing so good with wren, and still coloring for like an hour every day. :) 
she happens to be sitting by my side right now chattering on and on about a birthday party she wasn't invited to, the show she wants to put on for me when i'm finished, and why do i need a blog?, and singing a song to me about a bunny :)

and speaking of bunny.......i am slightly ashamed/embarrassed to admit that we lost one during our vacation.....the bunny we were bunny sitting for my niece.  the barren wife of oreo ninja.  
it was dead in it's cage.  quite traumatic.  not entirely my fault, but some of the blame does lie on me.....
and the pet curse lives on.......

too true!! :)

and neiko.....well......we have been going through a TERRIBLY hard phase.  and honestly, that has been part of the reason for my lack of blogging these last few weeks.  it's been hard.  when we took away his paci it just sorta flipped a switch.  he quit sleeping at night, and his behavior has been AWFUL.  truly awful.  what else to say about it except that he is doing something bad EVERY MINUTE.  
i have been worn out physically and emotionally.  exhaustion.
and it's just different with an adopted child.  i'm being very honest and open here.  it's different.  
there is that constant nagging inside that maybe i'm not loving him enough.  guilt.  maybe it's my fault.  maybe i treat him differently without meaning to.  shame.  and in the back of my mind there is that worry that he will always be difficult.  fear.  that those missing months and the lack of bonding as an infant will always be front and center.  anger.  maybe i'm being too strict to expect him to behave like my others did at his age.  maybe i just don't have enough to give him because he's one of 5, and because i still fight for some time for ME too.  more guilt.
guilt, fear, shame, anger, exhaustion.....

but then i remember that my most important job isn't to be a perfect mom to him.  it isn't to make sure i correct and punish every bad behavior.  my most important job isn't to question my every action and check my every motive. or to worry about his future.  
it is to LOVE.  that's what i'm called to do.  to LOVE him.  to be an example of a love that would lay down it's very life.  a love without condition.  a love without guilt and fear and shame.  a love that only comes from heaven and not out of my own human heart.  
a love that points him to Jesus.  
and i can only do it through His grace.  so i have to depend on that grace for every moment of every day.  and there i am.  back on my knees.  needing Him for every moment.  and that's exactly where He would have me be.  
trusting in His plan for my life and for neiko's.  His plan is good.  even if i never see the good.  
i am so very blessed and humbled by a Father who loves me this much....

on saturday Dave and I invited LaKisha and her kids to see a movie with us. 
a few of my sisters and my nieces and nephews came too.  it was quite an event :)  
and we loved every chaotic moment of it! :)

after the movie we picked up some pizzas and headed back to our place for the rest of the day.  
i was so happy that LaKisha seemed to feel at home, and the kids had a blast playing outside- and with the ipads :) those boys sure love the ipads.  
i tease them that they love being with the ipads more than with me. :) and they quickly assure me that they love me too :)

we wore Camrie out- love it :)
i had to physically climb into the back and pull on their hands to get them out of my van.  they did not want the day to end :)

these last two pictures are from yesterday.  just hanging out at home :)

and wren trying to calm Kevin down.  so cute :)

well, Tekoa has had enough of me blogging and Wren and Neiko will be up any minute so i better go watch that show of hers! :)  and hopefully i won't let 3 weeks go by this time before i get another post out :)

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