1 Corinthians 10:3-5
"For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh, for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses. We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ."

I do believe I have read those verses many times in my walk with Jesus.  And at this point I cannot even remember what I used to think when I read them.  
Over the last few months though, these words have come ALIVE.  Very literally alive.
Tearing down fortresses.  Destroying speculations.  Obliterating what we have held higher than the knowledge of God.  Teaching us that through Him we actually can take every thought captive.  
And He has so much work yet to do!!!

My blog silence has stemmed from this inability to put it all into neat and tidy words.....

You see, I thought we were ok.  I thought we were actually doing quite well, honestly.  Just a normal family dealing with the normal family issues.  We were trying very hard, and using all of our willpower to do everything right.  And more often then not, at the end of the day, I thought we came out ok.  

And then our eyes were opened.  He is so good like that.  
What we thought was good enough, He told us was not even close to what He had in mind for us.  
We had moved our aim.
We were shooting our arrows at "close enough" and "better than last year" and not at "PERFECTION in Jesus Christ."

1 Corinthians 6:19-20
"Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies."

"you are not your own....."

We are a family under reconstruction.  And we are not the ones in charge.   
This mama is not even sure which end is up most days.  

Please bear with us as He teaches us to let go of all we have carefully built for ourselves.  Sometimes the letting go is just plain ugly on the outside.  Sometimes it is offensive in and of itself. 

Sometimes when you look at all the ingredients individually it looks like a big mess.  And some of those ingredients taste very bitter on their own.

But we are trusting that God sees the finished product. We are praying that when it is all stirred together and put through the fire He will declare that what He has created is very good.  

HE IS GOOD.  HIS WORK IS BEAUTIFUL.  HE IS A RESTORER.  

Our church is fasting this month.  An all-church fast from junk food and electronics (except for blogging, of course ;) Wren has already let me know that I'm not supposed to be using the computer.....sheeesh!!
I'm only writing about this to share what God is doing in my heart during this time.  He is showing me some very ugly truths about how I survive as a mother of 5.
Of COURSE on the first 3 days of the fast we would be SNOWED IN.  Of COURSE we would all be stuck in the house together with nothing to do and nowhere to go.  
And it was during those 3 days that the Lord showed me how much I depend on entertainment- for both the kids and myself- and comfort food during my time at home with the kids.  
OUCH.  
How can I love them and teach them if I cannot be fully immersed in them and meet them on their level? How can I be immersed in them if I am constantly escaping to comfort myself? 
I AM SUPPOSED TO BE A REFLECTION OF THEIR SAVIOR'S LOVE.
What kind of Savior am I showing them?
Too busy pursuing my own comfort....needing a break from them....not wanting to be bothered with their constant needs....more concerned with the mess they are making than the fun they are having....barking orders instead of teaching....distant....distracted....frustrated....unapproachable....

NONE of these is a correct reflection of our God and ALL of these are me at times. 
I am praying that He will give me the grace to repent and to change.  

He is calling us to MORE.  
To leave what society tells us is normal and to trade it for what Jesus says is better....

I believe that the root of the issue is what I believe about God's love towards me.  
And as I learn more and understand more about His love and His thoughts toward me, it changes my love and my thoughts thoughts toward my children.  When I can comprehend the breadth, the length, the height, and the depth of His love- and when I truly believe that His strength is made perfect in my weakness, it changes everything.  
When I am parenting from the overflow of the knowledge of His love for me, then I will be a true reflection of that love.

Keep changing me Lord, keep teaching me what is better, keep me immersed in the TRUTH of Your Word, and help me to move that truth from my head to my heart....
I am absolutely nothing at all apart from You.