Oh that moment. The moment after a day of battles both very big and very small. A day of feeling like Peter standing amidst the wind and the waves and sinking. Losing hope, losing vision, losing faith in the promise of victory. The wind is strong and it pushes hard. The waves look so huge, as if they could just swallow me right up. And oh they would. And the one who is out to steal, kill, and destroy would love nothing more. He is doing his best to make a big display of the storm. To shoot an arrow of fear and doubt that would penetrate my very soul.
But then I hear a voice. He says my name and it is the most beautiful and intimate calling of my name I have ever heard. He tells me to look at Him. He gently asks me to observe what He is doing at this moment. My Savior, my Healer, my Provider, my very reason for being. He is right here with me in the storm. In fact He is standing in front of me. Standing calmly on the waves. He tells me that I can stand too, if only I would take my eyes off the storm and keep them on Him. I can stand, not by my own strength, but by faith in His.
He wants me. He wants me even in my sinking state. Not because of who I am, but because of my position as His daughter. And because of what He knows He can do through me.....
That moment. The moment after a day of battles both very big and very small. The moment when my heart is breaking from the pain I see in those big brown eyes. I look in those eyes- eyes that look nothing like mine- and I feel the fierce love of a mother to her son. A love that would lay down it's very life. And as I tuck him into his bed I get a rare glimpse into the depth behind those eyes, and I see that he is weary of the battle too.  And instead of my anger or frustration, he needs the truth. So I ask him to look at me. And as our weary eyes meet I pour the truth out to him. "You are loved. Oh how you are loved. You are loved with a love that is not only spoken but performed. A love that rescues and fights and never gives up. You are chosen. You are blessed. You are never ever alone. I will never give up on you and I will never stop fighting for you. You are no longer an orphan but a son. You bring me so much joy. I delight in you. I DELIGHT in you even when you are sinking. Not because of who you are, but because of your position as my son, and because of Who has given you to me. He gives only good gifts. And you are a very good gift to your mommy. You are a precious treasure.
I have so much to offer you and it has nothing to do with me. I am standing on my Jesus' strength alone....."
And as I speak the words his eyes tell me that he hears me. He hears me down to the depths of who he is.
And then all snuggled up with his blankie, wrapped up in his mother's words, tucked in under the shadow of His wing, he drifts off......
That moment. I wouldn't trade it for an easier path. I wouldn't trade it for all the world.....