"I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you."
John 14:18

When we believe lies about who God is, there is always a consequence.
And a long time ago, there was a girl who agreed with the lie that she was alone.  That her Father, who was supposed to be with her always, had somehow wandered away at a critical time.  She needed Him, and she prayed and prayed for Him to come and step in.  She pleaded with Him to save her from darkness- and He didn't.  The enemy seemed so powerful, and so present.  Her Savior seemed to be absent...
And she believed that she was alone and that she had to fend for herself.

She let that lie settle and find its home in her heart.  She tucked it away and covered it up with life.
And as she grew older, she didn't really understand that she carried that lie, that orphan heart around with her.
But she believed, deep down, that although she loved and trusted God, when it came down to it, she had to make things happen when He didn't.

She ended up with children of her own.
She loved them and treasured them.
And her heart pricked her as she called God her Father- and yet felt the difference in her beliefs that didn't line up with the fierce, fighting love she felt for her children.
As she taught her children to trust her, she felt her lack of trust in Him.
She heard herself speaking to her children,

"You just have to trust me.  You have to believe that I know what is best.  It might not always feel like I am on your side, but I am.  I see the big picture when you don't.  Just trust me."

And she knew that she was teaching something that she wasn't truly believing...

She was then given a child who was truly an orphan.  A broken little boy who also believed that he was alone and abandoned.  He too believed that he had to fend for himself.
And she jumped right in and expected to love away his broken, orphan heart.
She expected to fill the hole his first parents had left.
She expected to lead him into the perfect Father's love.
And as one year led to two and then three, she saw that she was powerless to heal his heart.  That the hurting little boy was going to fend for himself and do what he thought best no matter what she did.  No matter how many times she told him and showed him he could trust her.
So she prayed and prayed for him.  She sought the true Father for healing.

And then- in His goodness and kindness and mercy, in His faithfulness and his graciousness- He spoke to her.

"You can't lead someone somewhere you haven't been...." 

And she knew it was true........and it was time.
As she lay awake in bed one night, she opened that hidden place up to Him.  She gave it to Him in all of it's ugliness.
And the ugliness didn't surprise Him or repulse Him like she thought it would- He already knew that it was there.  It was never hidden from Him.
"For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart."
He asked her to ask Him for the truth of where He was at that time when she thought she was alone and forsaken.
And she was terrified to ask.
But she did.
And the picture He gave her blew her mind and blew through her heart and has left her forever changed.
Her Jesus was there.
Not only with her, but with His body wrapped around hers in fierce protection.
The saw very essence and origin of that fighting love that she felt for her own children.

And you can tell her that she's a little crazy. :) You can tell her that He doesn't work or speak that way.  And she will tell you this-

I have seen it for myself.

"Now to Him who is able to do exceeding and abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be the glory in the church both now and forever..."

And now that broken little boy and I, we still have our struggles.
But there is a confidence in Jesus' fighting love and care for us both that changes things.
It changes helplessness to hopefulness.
It changes doubt to belief.

And we have so much farther to go, and so much more to learn, but I know Jesus holds it all in His hands.
And He will continue to show us the way as we grow in our understanding of Who He is and grow in our trust in His care and in His unfailing love....

"When you go out to war against your enemies, and see horses and chariots and an army larger than your own, you shall not be afraid of them, for the Lord your God is with you, who brought you up out of the land of Egypt. 2 And when you draw near to the battle, the priest shall come forward and speak to the people 3 and shall say to them, ‘Hear, O Israel, today you are drawing near for battle against your enemies: let not your heart faint. Do not fear or panic or be in dread of them, 4 for the Lord your God is He who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies, to give you the victory."