one last soccer game of the season and then we were off!

we made it to gulf shores in 12 1/2 hours! the kids did great! :)

okay traveling is not so rough with a dvd player ;)

we had a WONDERFUL vacation :)  

the kids had a blast with their friends and with the 2 girls we brought to babysit.

and dave and i thoroughly enjoyed going out with our friends every night :)

it was a very, very relaxing and stress free week.  wonderful.

the ride home didn't go nearly as smoothly with neiko crying/whining/asking for things most of the time.  but eventually he fell asleep :)

we came back home to cold weather and the school's big fall fundraiser, so it was kind of an abrupt transition back into life....

my beautiful and vain and sweet tekoa :)

i captured these as she was outside playing.  yes, she dresses up to play outside.  and wants her hair done :)

trouble :)

mostly since i've been home my days have been filled with bathing, changing, feeding, holding, and loving baby Kevin.

i have him 5 days a week. 

our families lives are intertwining more and more.  LaKisha's car broke down and she needed help to get it to shop.  the repairs will cost as much as the car is worth, and with 4 kids we decided she needs something bigger.  we are looking around for a minivan, and we are so thankful for our friends and family who are willing to help look and help contribute.  i know God has a van out there somewhere it is just taking a long time to find it!

and i have heard from some that maybe i am taking on too much......  

i DO get tired and worn out, but it's easy for me to look in this little face and see Jesus.  that i am serving my Father.  i feel His blessing.  i wouldn't trade that for anything.  

and my kids are doing FINE.  it's good for them even.  they get to see what it means to love just because Jesus loves us- and why not put action to the words that we preach to them? 

ah the bumbo bath :) makes me miss bumbo bathing my own babies.....but i don't miss the poop/puke explosions that lead up to it! :)

in other news, we finally put our back splash on! that was a long time coming :) but worth the wait!

Dave installed it on Saturday, and i sealed it on Tuesday.  

with Kevin, Neiko, Wren, and Tekoa as an audience.  took me all day ;)

and an update on my nephew Trey.  isn't he the cutest thing EVER?!?!?!

i got to feed him a bottle today.  so sweet!

he is 10 weeks old now and 15 1/2 lbs. birth mom's rights have been terminated, and dad's will be soon!   

and here is our family portrait by Tekoa.  i LOVE it.  i'm thinking it could work for our Christmas card pic this year.....it just captures us all so well, doesn't it?

 

she is LOVING kindergarten- such a sweetie.  i am enjoying her so much right now.  she is always brushing my hair, or painting my toes- she's been playing so good with wren, and still coloring for like an hour every day. :) 

she happens to be sitting by my side right now chattering on and on about a birthday party she wasn't invited to, the show she wants to put on for me when i'm finished, and why do i need a blog?, and singing a song to me about a bunny :)

and speaking of bunny.......i am slightly ashamed/embarrassed to admit that we lost one during our vacation.....the bunny we were bunny sitting for my niece.  the barren wife of oreo ninja.  

it was dead in it's cage.  quite traumatic.  not entirely my fault, but some of the blame does lie on me.....

and the pet curse lives on.......

too true!! :)

and neiko.....well......we have been going through a TERRIBLY hard phase.  and honestly, that has been part of the reason for my lack of blogging these last few weeks.  it's been hard.  when we took away his paci it just sorta flipped a switch.  he quit sleeping at night, and his behavior has been AWFUL.  truly awful.  what else to say about it except that he is doing something bad EVERY MINUTE.  

i have been worn out physically and emotionally.  exhaustion.

and it's just different with an adopted child.  i'm being very honest and open here.  it's different.  

there is that constant nagging inside that maybe i'm not loving him enough.  guilt.  maybe it's my fault.  maybe i treat him differently without meaning to.  shame.  and in the back of my mind there is that worry that he will always be difficult.  fear.  that those missing months and the lack of bonding as an infant will always be front and center.  anger.  maybe i'm being too strict to expect him to behave like my others did at his age.  maybe i just don't have enough to give him because he's one of 5, and because i still fight for some time for ME too.  more guilt.

guilt, fear, shame, anger, exhaustion.....

but then i remember that my most important job isn't to be a perfect mom to him.  it isn't to make sure i correct and punish every bad behavior.  my most important job isn't to question my every action and check my every motive. or to worry about his future.  

it is to LOVE.  that's what i'm called to do.  to LOVE him.  to be an example of a love that would lay down it's very life.  a love without condition.  a love without guilt and fear and shame.  a love that only comes from heaven and not out of my own human heart.  

a love that points him to Jesus.  

and i can only do it through His grace.  so i have to depend on that grace for every moment of every day.  and there i am.  back on my knees.  needing Him for every moment.  and that's exactly where He would have me be.  

trusting in His plan for my life and for neiko's.  His plan is good.  even if i never see the good.  

i am so very blessed and humbled by a Father who loves me this much....

on saturday Dave and I invited LaKisha and her kids to see a movie with us. 

a few of my sisters and my nieces and nephews came too.  it was quite an event :)  

and we loved every chaotic moment of it! :)

after the movie we picked up some pizzas and headed back to our place for the rest of the day.  

i was so happy that LaKisha seemed to feel at home, and the kids had a blast playing outside- and with the ipads :) those boys sure love the ipads.  

i tease them that they love being with the ipads more than with me. :) and they quickly assure me that they love me too :)

we wore Camrie out- love it :)

i had to physically climb into the back and pull on their hands to get them out of my van.  they did not want the day to end :)

these last two pictures are from yesterday.  just hanging out at home :)

and wren trying to calm Kevin down.  so cute :)

well, Tekoa has had enough of me blogging and Wren and Neiko will be up any minute so i better go watch that show of hers! :)  and hopefully i won't let 3 weeks go by this time before i get another post out :)

Sorry for the blog silence.

I am nervous to look at my last post because I was very drugged when I wrote it. I have no idea if it all makes sense or if there was anything too startling about it.....
Sorry if there is! :)

I have since recovered.  :)
It took me about a week to get my energy back.
The anesthesia made me feel pretty awful, and the pain meds made me very sleepy and light-headed. After about 3 days I got off the meds and Dave said he was very glad to have his wife back :)

Soooooo thankful for my family and friends who brought us meals and came and helped me with the kids! Don't know how we would've made it through without the extra help!
And thankfully the pathology reports were good! Everything was benign.

So I had a week recovery and then this past week was back to 100mph...

Babysitting Lakisha's baby, painting my pantry, taking care of 2 very sick kids, my post op doctor appoinment, delivering cookie dough, soccer games, finishing the leaf project, teaching music, and packing for our trip to Gulf Shores. 

And speaking of Gulf Shores- we made it here at 1:45 this morning :)
So excited for a week of relaxation with our friends!! :)
Of course it rained all day today and is supposed to rain tomorrow, but after that I am soooo looking forward to sitting on the beach in the sunshine.

Here are some pictures that I needed to catch up on- :)

Hopefully my next post will be full of pictures of my kiddos on the beach! :)

I'm actually up before my kids this morning.

It's weird to be sitting on the couch in a dark, quiet house.

I spent half the night on this couch.

I woke up at 3 with an awful back ache from sleeping propped up and on my back. Probably didn't help that I was stuck in a chair all day yesterday either.

I crept out onto the couch and tried every position I could, and about an hour later I found one that worked.

And i slept til 5:30.

I thought I'd take these quiet moments before the chaos to share about my day yesterday.

And if you are uncomfortable with reading the details of my duct surgery then I suggest you quit reading right about now...

I was scheduled for a ductogram at 7:30am and surgery at 9, so dave and I were up at 5am and out the door by 6.

My mom had come to the house at 6 to fill in for me for the day :)

I had school clothes laid out, and backpacks, lunches, and p.e. clothes packed.

We got checked in and settled in a little pre-op room.

Our home for the day.

At 7:20 I was taken down to the mammography room and they started in on the ductogram.

Not the most fun I've ever had.

The radiologist could not get the needle into the duct.

It felt like he was missing the opening.

He kept trying and trying and I was sweating and shaking and trying to keep my mind elsewhere.

After bruising the life out of me he finally gave up and called for another radiologist to try.

I was so thankful when he quit....

The second guy got it in on the first try but it fell out as he was injecting the dye.

So yet one more needle prick and then we were good.

Now I've been telling everyone how mammograms just aren't that painful, but after being pricked that many times and with a needle inserted in there.......ouch!!

They then leave the dye in the duct for the surgery and tape it off so it stays in.

It's an awful feeling having the dye sit in there. It burns and makes everything ache....

So needless to say I was already feeling pretty battered by the time they wheeled me back to dave.

But it was 8:30, so I comforted myself with the fact that it would all be over soon.

And I was wrong. At 9am a nurse came in to let us know that the surgeon was being delayed at another hospital. It would be a couple of hours before we could move forward.

Pretty discouraging for us, but we did our best to settle in and pass the time.

And I did my best to ignore the pain from the dye and my growling stomache. :)

Finally it was 11am and I had just started to doze off when the nurse came to tell us that it would be a few more hours at least.

So dave left to go find himself some food (I was so jealous!)

And I fell asleep.

Woke up at 12:30. The surgeon finally arrived at 1pm, and they wheeled me into surgery at 2. I was so ready to be knocked out by that point :)

And when I woke up it was 5:15 :)

And I was told everything went fine. And that the surgeon had found a second duct that had needed to come out too. Which made me glad because I kept feeling like there was more going on in there than with just the one duct.

We left the hospital around 6:30 I think, and we had to make a stop at Walmart to pick up my pain meds.

I don't know what made me think I could go in with dave, but I told him I wanted to come too. I was freezing and I wanted a big cozy sweatshirt to wear.

He dropped me off at the door and I told him I would meet him at the pharmacy.

Right about the time I found a sweatshirt I started to feel very nauseous. Very. And dizzy. And everything started to go black.

I was fighting with everything in me to stay on my feet. I saw dave and tossed him the sweatshirt and grabbed the keys. I told him I was gonna puke.

But after having a vision on myself curled up on the dirty Walmart bathroom floor I decided to head outside.

I grabbed 2 Walmart sacks on my way out.

But I couldn't make it.

I was going down.

I ended up collapsing into one of those motorized carts and passing out. With my head on the control pannel. :)

And I woke up to a lady patting me on the shoulder and asking me if I was okay.

It took me a minute to remember where I was and why I was on a motorized cart.....I told her I was fine, and then I decided to try again to get to the van. It was raining and getting dark and I couldn't find the car. And everything started to go black again.

I pushed the panic button on my keys and followed the sound of the alarm.

Once again I barely made it. I just kept thinking about how I could NOT collapse in the wet parking lot and draw a crowd or get sent back to the hospital. :)

I didn't even get the door shut all the way before I feel asleep :)

I remember dave shutting it and then we were home and the kids were running to me and I tried to sit on the couch but they wanted up, and Neiko kept jumping up and down on the couch beside me....

I had missed them, though. And I was so glad to see them and to be home.

And I'm so happy that it is all over.

And very thankful for all the people in my life who care and who are willing to help.

The meals, and help, and prayers. The get well cards from the kids at the school :)

The body of Christ is amazing. He is amazing.

Thanks everyone! Love you all so much!

oh what i wouldn't give for a simple summer day with no alarm clock, no worries, and no homework.

i'm sorry, but have to go off for a minute about homework.

my kids spend 6 1/2 hours of their day in the school building. to learn.

then they come home, and they have about 4 1/2 hours here before bed. that time includes dinner, playing outside with the neighbors, chores, and quality time with mom and dad.

which would hardly be enough time even if a FOURTH of that precious time was NOT taken up with homework.

and ALSO, it seems so silly for ME to be in charge of organizing, lining up, and completing that work when i was NOT present at school for the lesson that day.

what do i know about 5th grade social studies?? or geography? or math? how am i supposed to help with a reading assignment from a story i didn't read?

why is this work even here at this house? where it can get spilled on or scribbled on?

and i'd still like to have a social life!

any evening event is a huge stress if we can't get the homework done beforehand!

maybe all of these complaints are stemming from the leaf project that i- i mean tyden and i- are fully immersed in. he cannot do a single step of it with out me.

and while i'm bent over the computer trying to find a way to identify that leaf sitting in front of me, i have every imaginable kind of chaos going on around me.....

neighbor kids running in and out, kids spilling, pooping their pants, biting me on the leg, phone ringing, fighting, mess making......

i do not have time for leaf projects!!!

ok i feel better now. sorry you had to read all that.

moving on-

we had a nice visit with lakisha and her kids on sunday. they were all very excited to see us!

lakisha said her kids have not stopped talking about their time with us :)

we are picking them up on saturday morning to hang out for the day. they are going to come to tyden's soccer game and then we will go to a park or something.

looking forward to it!!

tyden's birthday went great. we had a party at safety town with his school friends. the weather was awesome!!!

and his beloved lego set is sprawled all over the kitchen table. he is LOVING putting it all together.

and we have been eating either outside or at the bar. :)

also i heard from my surgeon's office today and we are all set for surgery on monday.

yikes.

next week could be interesting.

the only plus in it all is that after monday dave is on leaf duty ;)

and speaking of dave. i'm flying solo tonight. he is on his way to wisconsin for a day of salmon fishing tomorrow.

and i'm happy for him :) i hope he has an awesome time :) and i really hope he gets home in time for me to be able to go out with some cousins for jenny's birthday.....

had a wonderful long weekend at the lake. it was restful and fun. lots of friends and family and good memories....

and then i got hit hard yesterday with how behind i am at home.

mountains of laundry. dirt and dust and dishes. homework.

......just too many things to keep organized in my home and in my head.

my famous line to dave is that if only there were 2 of him and 2 of me our lives would be much more manageable......

dave is still working in the pantry. which makes for lots of extra dust.

and most of our food has been on temporary shelves in our laundry room for about a month.

he is painting now though, so we are close!

this is the last week that vaulting and soccer are intermingling. exhausting!

shaeya has a performance this weekend and then she is done until spring. soccer goes until the end of september......

and during that wonderful weekend last weekend we said good-bye to neiko's pacifiers.

we had a little ceremony. dave dug a hole in the ground with my parents' excavator and neiko threw each paci in one by one. and then dave buried them. and drove over them :)

neiko was completely mesmerized by the whole tractor thing, so of course it didn't hit him that he now had to live a paci free life until we got home.

he's been having a rough time. and creating a rough time for all of the rest of us.......

one thing about him....he doesn't deal well with change. and he isn't sleeping well at night without his pacis so he's tired.

which means pure chaos around the house.

ripping books, having accidents, getting into EVERYTHING, hitting, pushing, screaming, tantrums, and SHOES.

he is so weird about SHOES. more like obsessed. we keep all of our shoes in the mudroom in individual cubbies, and his greatest thrill in life is to go in there and play with the shoes. try them on, wear them around the house, throw them.....

doesn't sound all that terrible, does it?

but it NEVER STOPS. and we have 7 different people's shoes in there. and he is always mixing them up or losing them.

i probably tell him 20 times a day to put the shoe he is wearing or carrying BACK.

seems so harsh to punish him over shoes but i guess i have to start cracking down.......

especially now, since the whole pacifier drama has caused him to take every bad behavior times 10. today while i was in the shower he got into my closet and into my stack of winter shoes which is a whole new level in the shoe craziness....

in other news, tyden turns 11 on saturday. he's pretty pumped.

he's been dreaming of this one amazing dragon lego set all year.

and we bought it for him, but he had to pay for half- and he can't open it til saturday.

i'm happy for him- he waited so patiently, but i give it about 3 weeks before i'm stepping on broken lego pieces while i'm trying to cook supper.

and that's exactly why we made him pay for half.....

also saturday marks the 28th day since the "mating of the bunnies" :)

the kids are REALLY counting on having babies this weekend......i don't know......that girl bunny doesn't look any different to me.....and thinking of how many kids run through this house in a week- and how challenged i am in the animal department.....i'm sorta foreseeing disaster either way.....

AND, so crazy, but both of our sets of parents sold their houses last weekend. they are both moving out of our childhood homes. both homes have inspections this friday and if all goes well, they both have to be out of the homes before october.

it'll be so weird not to have those houses to go to anymore! but we are happy for our parents to be able to downsize and have less work and maintenance.

dave's parents are looking for a ranch with a small yard, and my parents will be living in their new addition at the lake.

might be a crazy month with helping everyone get moved and settled!

and adding to that craziness is my duct surgery. which looks like it'll be on sept 17th. the surgeon is available that day but we are waiting to hear back from the hospital about a room.

she only does surgeries on mondays, which is going to complicate things with school and driving and such, but only for a few days.

and they are trying to tell me that i wont be able to lift any children for a few days also......don't quite see how that is gonna work.....

BUT, 12 days after the surgery, i will be taking off with dave and the kids and 4 other couples and heading to the BEACH.

for our annual fall trip to gulf shores.

i found a big house for most of us, and the other half will be in a condo.

and just like last year, we will meet on the beach everyday and hang out with the kids, and we are bringing babysitters so that we can go out every night without the kids......makes for a perfect vacation! :)

ok i think that's all of our news.....

i'll be sure to let everyone know if our bunny becomes a baby daddy over the weekend ;)

oh yeah, and speaking of the bunny.....i found this today.....