michellesblog

2012-01-31T09:21:00.000-08:00

Our caseworker came over today for a visit.

She needed to update our home study and to approve us for an adoption license.

Everything went really well- the kids were really good and we actually had a lot of fun just playing with them and chatting about life.

She was shocked at how much Neiko has grown :)

He had a doctor appointment yesterday and he is 27 lbs and 34 inches. 80% for weight and 93% for height.

He is just a tad behind on speech and fine motor skills- nothing that concerns his pediatrician- but I think I'm going to have him screened through an early intervention program. I just want to be sure he's doing okay. It's so hard to tell for me- especially because I'm coming off of 3 girls in a row who were super talkative and social at his age.

But back to the visit-

Our caseworker told me our case is being processed with ICPC right now and should be done by Friday. Then we schedule our adoption hearing as long as we don't hear anything from Neiko's birth father.

She says we are on the tail end of things- which is just wonderful!

Our adoption license is good for 4 years as long as we have a home visit every 6 months. And she tells me it's pretty easy to get foster licensed if you already have an adoption license.

All of that is exciting to us and we look forward to seeing what God has in store in the years to come!

Our other news is that we are going on a family vacation at the end of the week!!

My parents are taking the entire family (25 of us) on a cruise.

We will spend the weekend in New Orleans (Neiko should feel right at home!! :) going to the zoo, an aquarium, and sending the guys off on a day long fishing trip.

Then our ship leaves on Monday for Cozumel and the Yucatan.

It'll be pretty crazy for Dave and I and our kids, but it'll be well worth it for a break from routine and for the sun!!!

I'm looking the most forward to the beaches and the kids are hoping to swim with dolphins in Cozumel.

Wren talks nonstop about going on a "big boat," Tekoa and Shaeya are excited to be with their cousins for a whole week, and Tyden lives for any time spent with his grandma- although he is a bit nervous about thunderstorms while we're out on the ocean :)

The only thing I'm nervous about is seasickness cause I have extreme motion sickness and I've never been on a cruise before.

But I'm sure Dave will do JUST FINE with all the kids if I happen to get really sick.......

Here's to packing for 7 and a 12 hour drive with 5 kids on Friday! :)

Anything for the sun and a beach!

2012-01-26T07:20:00.000-08:00

Wow. I just noticed that my blog now has 11 whole followers. I've come a long way in 2 years. :)

Hopefully in 2 more years if I'm not too old and boring I could have like 20 followers.

But I'm probably gonna have to start spicing things up a bit.

Hmmm I do have a spicy story that I probably wouldn't otherwise tell- but if I'm gonna reach that goal then I better start somewhere, right?

The other night the kids and I decided to go to McDonalds for supper. Not something we normally do, but we had just finished with gymnastics, it was late, and Dave had a guy at our house working on our shower (yep, still working on that shower!)

We walked through the doors of McDonalds and right away I noticed a guy in the back was really watching us.

I walked back to the playland to drop the kids off and then to the front to order our food.

And he followed me.

He came up to the line and stood beside me and asked, "so are all those kids your little brothers and sisters??"

Needless to say I had a good laugh over that.

But the funny part came later when I texted dave to tell him about it.

I told him, "so I just got asked if our kids were my little brothers and sisters."

And he said,"would you give that person a hug for me they are awesome"

To which I said, "I don't think it would have been quite appropriate for me to hug him after he looked me up and down and said, 'WOOOOOW'"

And dave said, "okay then punch him in the face for me"

So funny.

You just never know what a day will bring.....

And what today has brought is a sick wren. She and I were up most of the night together. She threw up in her bed around 1:30 and I finally got her somewhat settled on the couch with me around 3:30.

Today she is feeling a little better but she only wants to be held.

"I wanna hoooooooold you, mommy. I wanna hooooold you."

I'm trying to let her "hold" me but I also have a very bored 4 year old and a 1 year old who leaves a wake of destruction everywhere he goes. Everywhere. And he gets very jealous of wren holding me.

"up! up! up! up! up! up! up" follows every, "Mommy, I wanna hoooooooooold you."

I'm trying to keep them apart so the germs don't spread to every one of us again.

But I'm sure it's probably too late for that anyway......

I also have a mountain of bedding full of puke to wash.

I'm trying to get that done as well.

I just went to take the first load out of the washer and discovered that I washed 2 pull-ups and about 12 Clorox wipes (that were used to wipe up puke) in with the load. Sigh.

My poor washer. Yesterday it had to tackle a very disgusting crumb-filled and milk-soaked carseat cover.

Gotta quit giving that boy milk!! He dumps it every time!!

But then he dumps his water and juice too......

Ok now I'm getting boring again. Hope I didn't lose any of the 11 after all that puke and milk talk.

The real reason I'm blogging on a day like today is to fill you all in on our big news.

Everything went great on Tuesday, and Neiko's birth mom officially signed her rights away.

She is done.

I talked to her on the phone afterwards and she seemed to be doing fine.

Thank you to all who prayed for her that day.

Here's what happens next-

We wait for all the paperwork to be processed in AZ.

We send out a public notice for the father.

We file the AZ paperwork here.

We petition to skip over getting full guardianship and move straight toward adoption instead.

We wait 30 days.

We schedule the adoption hearing.

Our lawyer thinks it can all happen in 6 weeks or so.

Then Neiko is ours forever, we get to close the "adoption process" chapter of our lives, and we have a HUGE party to celebrate!!!!!

2012-01-20T14:07:00.000-08:00

I'm very, very excited to tell you all that after 9 months of waiting we finally have progress on the horizon!!

Our lawyer called yesterday to tell us that the head of ICPC for Arizona was finally presented with our case. And they seem to think that because of the length of time that Neiko has been with us that there is no need for us to go to court for full guardianship in Arizona.

The head of ICPC for Illinois has agreed.

Which is WONDERFUL news!!!!

It simplifies and expedites the entire adoption process.

Our Phoenix lawyer is meeting with Neiko's birth mom on Tuesday to sign papers.

I think she is signing adoption papers. From what I gather that will give us what we need to set up our court date for adoption here in Illinois.

What an amazing experience. I still can't wrap my mind around the fact that he will be my son. Just the same as the others. And that he will be their brother just as if by birth. That he will have our last name.

Such an amazing, beautiful concept.

Such a gift.

Such a blessing.

Such a life altering event for all 7 of us. But especially for one gorgeous, cuddly, smiling, curly haired little boy.

My soon-to-be son.

2012-01-12T07:19:00.000-08:00

first day of preschool!

and pictures of the big party! :)

soooo remember my last post about the flu and it's bad timing??
let's talk some more about the flu and bad timing.....
like a house full of little girls (10 that slept over) with just ONE MOM. one mom.

i had had a few dizzy spells that day but didn't have time to think much of it. til about 9pm that night. with the party in full swing. and it hit full force.
i have never pushed through a sickness like i did that night.
there was no way i could just crawl in bed, so i forced myself through the evening sweating and shaking (and puking once) and washing my hands A LOT :)

i thanked Jesus that i felt better by the morning. and it was an eaaaaarly morning with those girls! :)
but it was alot of fun. more singing and coloring and eating and laughing.....

neiko loves to watch the fish. and he says, "fishy" now. and "up, drink, tractor, shoe, and blankie."
i LOVE seeing him learn!!!

he also "learned" how to unroll the toilet paper and run through the house with it.
and of course this happened right as a grandma came to our door to pick up one of the girls from the sleep-over.

and here is my vain little princess. she is starting to WANT me to curl her hair. and take her picture. so foreign. shaeya would rather DIE than have her hair done or play dress up.

this is how she was entertaining herself the other day before her gymnastics class-

that takes some major ab muscles!! :)

tough guy with his tattoo.....

and his baby :)

guess what? we have grass!!
we got a whole half of a yard before the harvester broke down and the snow came.
so we have half....i mean half is better than none, right?
i'm sure the kids will know to play only on the grass side. sure of it.

2012-01-06T13:05:00.000-08:00

i seem to be one step behind this crazy january weather.
i bundle us all up really nicely on the 60 degree days and have us going out in jacketless on the 20 degree days. but who has time to check the forecast everyday??

so let's talk about today.

today, thanks to the 60 degree weather, there is a guy here working on our yard. we may be getting our sod laid over the next 3 days. who would've thought we could lay sod in january?

today, also, was tekoa's first day of preschool.
i made an impulsive decision over Christmas break to enroll her.
she's been pretty bored at home lately and the "homeschooling" has been almost non-existent.
we say about tekoa- "she can't write her name or recognize her numbers, but she can climb real good." :)
she's got the large motor skills down- she can climb the big rope at gymnastics all the way to the top. she can almost do a back walk-over, she can do a handstand on the rings, but she's pretty behind with anything school related.
i had kept her home because of the move, the distance to school, to avoid having 3 kids at 2 different schools plus 2 babies at home, and to avoid having to be in town in the morning, noon, and afternoon.
but guilt took over and she is now in school once again. and she is sooooooooo happy about it. only made sweeter by the fact that she has 2 cousins and 1 good friend in her class.
it was the right thing to do- but i have a bit of anxiety thinking of the commitment i just made. it's just 5 short months. that's it. 5 months. i can do it.

today i got 3 kids off to 2 different schools :), went to the gym with my sisters, taught music at ty and shae's school, went and picked up tekoa and 2 of my nieces from preschool, and then drove back to ty and shae's school to do my weekly cleaning of the girls bathroom.

and today, while i did all that, i was planning and organizing our annual little girl's slumber party. which is also today.

so our annual slumber party is for shaeya and tekoa and their cousins and is usually during Christmas break.
but, unfortunately, we had the flu running through our kids from after Christmas until last wednesday.
now i know there is never a convenient time to have puking children, but these guys did a good job of getting it right at the wrong time.

the first was wren, who during my hosting of a rare girl's night with old friends from high school, came stumbling down the stairs half asleep, crawled into my lap, and promptly started puking. put a pretty swift end to the girls night.
then poor tekoa, who had been counting down the days til her first day of school (which was supposed to be wednesday), got it the night before and had to miss her first day.
and shaeya, of course, started puking the night before the slumber party (which was planned for last monday). we had to cancel and reschedule for tonight.
tyden also missed his first day back at school.

but thankfully, all that is behind us.

now back to the slumber party-
so, usually for the cousins, and usually during Christmas break- but since we had to reschedule we planned it for the next available friday night (tonight), 3 days after school restarted.

so then shaeya informed dave and i last night that at school that day she had invited all her school friends to come to the party too.
of course, i told her that she should've asked me before she invited them. and then i told her that the party was for her cousins and some of them might be uncomfortable with her school friends being there.
to which shaeya said, "mom, finding a friend is like finding a treasure. it would be a treasure for my cousins to become friends with my school friends."
dave and i just looked at each other. neither of us had any kind of argument for that logic....

but i thought maybe if i just didn't say anything that nothing would come of it. then when i got to the school today, the "school friends" were anxiously waiting to see if they could come or not.
hence the last minute planning during the craziness of my day.

we have 4 of them here tonight and i'm really glad they came.
everyone is getting along really well, and they are all having a blast.
13 girls total.
i painted 130 nails tonight and put in 10 little braids.
we sang karaoke and ate pizza and the girls are now watching a barbie movie with dessert to follow.

and i better sign off now cause the movie is winding down.
pictures soon to follow! :)

2012-01-02T10:55:00.000-08:00

wow.
dave and i decided that Christmas with 5 kids is really something.
and we also decided it will be better next year.....or maybe the year after.....
it probably didn't help that we had 5 Christmases in 4 days.
and that by the time we got to the last two the kids were running on too little sleep and too much sugar.

but we had some truly beautiful moments mixed in with the chaos.
and it was nice to reflect on where we were last year at Christmas time-
living at my parent's house, dave and i hardly seeing each other, the new house was just stud walls, and we had only 4 children and noooo clue that we were about to be blessed by another.

yes, God has brought us a LONG way from where we were then.
PRAISE HIM.

here are some of our captured Christmas moments......

my birthday night out with the girls :)

betcha didn't know that applebees has karaoke on thursday nights.......i didn't either til that night....

baking cookies at grandma's

Christmas with my mom's family-
my mom was chosen to dress up as santa this year and wren was TERRIFIED of her. we could not convince her that it was her grandma.
luckily tekoa was looking out for her. :)

neiko loving on his daddy-

wren being comforted by her older cousin willow :)

i was impressed by tekoa's coloring and laughing at her choice of picture- it's usually all princesses and flowers and ponies with that girl

shaeya couldn't wait to show this shirt to "the boys" (her uncles)

and tekoa has hardly taken this outfit off since Christmas eve....

wren loving on mommy :)

and horseback riding!!!

this is aunt sally with neiko.
she is the one who found him for us. or actually found us for him. :)
truly amazing. such an awesome thing to watch them interact with each other.
and sally took pictures of him to show his grandma when she gets back home.

shaeya showing us all her vaulting skills. made grandma a little nervous :)

in case you were wondering how many little kids you can fit on a horse at one time.....

me with lexi, the baby i watch in the afternoons-

2011-12-15T12:53:00.000-08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

thankfully things have finally slowed down around here. i am now able to refocus and put emphasis on the things that really matter this time of year.
like my birthday. which is tuesday.
just kidding. i kind of forgot it was coming til some of my friends forced me into acknowledging it. the big turning 30 party feels like yesterday, and there is just no fun in turning 31. none at all.
it just means that i'm in my 30's.

i spent my entire 20's changing diapers, changing sizes, puking, nursing, toilet training, sleep training, and cleaning.
and now that i'm in my 30's i've still got a few of those things going on but moving on to things like homework, driving to and from school, kids' life questions, problem solving, their friend issues, etc........
i don't know....maybe 30's will be slightly better. less physically draining. maybe.
i don't really know what i'm talking about. trying to give myself a pep-talk but i still have 3 kids under 5 so.....

moving on.

i wonder how many nights wren spends like this-

shaeya, tekoa, and i had our first mother/daughter singing performance last weekend :)

it was for my dad's company Christmas party. i've been singing at it every year since i was young, and i'm hoping they will eventually end up taking over for me.
they worked really hard to learn all their parts- and they did a really good job.

we were really proud of them :)

growing up waaay too fast!!

neiko had a dr. appointment this week. he is 98% for height and 78% for weight. big boy. i texted his birth mom to fill her in and she said, "oh, yeah- his dad is huge. really big guy with big muscles." :)
should be interesting to see if he ends up way taller than all of us!

and in other news-

we are getting new neighbors!
my brother and his wife and 3 kids are building a house at the beginning of our street!
they just dug this week.

shaeya and i were discussing them building a house the other day-
i said, "it sure takes a long time to build a house, doesn't it?"
and she said, "yes. i know it. i know the life."
so cute. she remembers all too well being at the lot with no toys, bathroom, food, or heat. being dragged from one home to the other. with no daddy around....
hopefully we can ease the pain somehow for my brother.

camera day at gymnastics-

this kid looks adorable in his hat. too bad he won't keep it on for anything!!

and he LOVES this toy. it is the only toy that he plays with- i think because he can't throw it :)

and while we are on this subject-
neiko totally snapped out of his hard phase and is back to his normal sweet self. with a more normal amount of acting out and getting into things.
now i can breathe again- and i have time for all of the kids, cleaning, AND Christmas :)

switching gears here-
i have been thinking the last few days about LOVE. and how hard and complicated it is.
and how much i truly desire to spend myself on behalf of others, but how much i constantly fail at doing it.

things like going the extra mile, giving even when it doesn't seem fair, and loving the unlovable are so foreign to my generation. and i'm afraid it will be even more so for my children's generation.
i want to do what i can to live these out for my Savior and as a legacy for my children, but i can only do it through the help of the Spirit. it is not in me to be able to love without keeping score in some way or another.

but i think about my GOD being born as a human baby, and i think of Him giving His life for me with nothing but my feeble attempts at love in return and it isn't in any way fair. He was and is WHOLLY COMMITTED to this plan and i am struggling to commit on the most basic of levels. and it was and is done for ME. the struggling one.
i hold back love to preserve MY life, but it leaves me empty anyway. i want to give love freely with no record of wrongs so that i can give away my life and live more joyfully.
and i want to be able to do this without "venting" to my husband or friends all of my sinful thoughts and attitudes that are present with me while i give love.

it is not too hard or too much to ask it is part of being sanctified.

my sister-in-law gave me the book "loving the little years."
awesome book- i highly recommend it.
the part that stuck with me the most was about apples.
if i am an apple tree, and my job is to bear fruit, then i bear the fruit without keeping track of where each piece of fruit goes.
an apple tree produces many apples- some of which end up on the ground. but the job is only to produce the fruit and leave the sorting of it to Someone Else.
that means that i use up my time giving- even if i don't see quite how it matters- just for the sake of bearing fruit.

i wipe the table and sweep the floor 3 times a day just to have a clean place for children to gather. i clean and organize the toys even though my kids and neighbors and nieces and nephews will unorganize them tomorrow. i babysit for someone who won't necessarily babysit for me in return. i open my home and my heart to others even if it isn't practical, i "waste" my time sitting on the floor and playing with my kids even when my "to-do" list is 5 miles long.
i give my 20's, 30's, 40's, 50's, 60's, 70's......to my husband and kids- loving them and serving them however they need me to.
and i trust that God will organize my chaos and use my fruit in His way and in His time and for His greatest glory.

looking forward to a fun, crazy, exciting, chaotic week next week full of family, friends, birthday celebrations, Christmas programs, Christmas parties, presents, laughter, tears (the good kind), and LOVE. :)

2011-12-07T11:11:00.000-08:00

trying to keep my head above water over here :)
i'm about 3 steps behind on christmas. not too bad. trying really hard to take things slow and set small goals for myself everyday.

it's just really hard to add christmas chaos to an already overloaded mom's workload.

my house is disgusting, my van smells like a dirty diaper, i have a pile of christmas cards waiting to be addressed, i have a tree up with no ornaments (probably gonna stay that way), 13 gifts left to buy, about 25 gifts yet to wrap, 3 christmas songs that need practicing before 2 christmas events, and nowhere to hang stockings (oh stockings- add 'buy stocking for neiko' to the ever growing to do list.)
and also a little boy who has turned from 'good neiko' to 'be as bad as i can possibly be neiko.'

not quite sure what brought this on-
maybe an extra christmas busy mom
maybe the new babysitting job (same baby, 2 hours every afternoon)
maybe the after school gymnastics/vaulting change in our routine
maybe dad working more on the house lately
maybe all of the above....

i love him so much, but when he gets in these days long funks he is a FULL TIME JOB. every minute. and unfortunately i have 2 other full time jobs.....

better to just dwell on the progress, right?
and there is progress!
dave and i should have our own shower sometime in the next 2 weeks! YES!!!
my bathtub is officially functional!!
not counting today, no one peed their pants or in their bed for about 4 days!
tekoa and i have a 'cry in the morning, take a nap in the afternoon' system that is working beautifully!!!
ty and shaeya are busy working hard for me and behaving perfectly to earn "christmas points" that actually have no bearing on the quantity or quality of their gifts. they think it does and that's all that matters....(do not make me feel guilty about this, ok?)
and finally.... ADOPTION PROGRESS!!!!!
yes!!
over the weekend dave and i signed on with a lawyer in phoenix who is now working with neiko's birth mom to get her caught up with arizona laws and ready for termination of rights.
the next step for us is to travel with neiko to phoenix for a court hearing. this will be to terminate mom's rights and to grant us full custody. we have to stay there until paperwork goes through (maybe a week or so??) and then we come back and adopt from illinois. we are told we should be able to adopt him maybe 6-8 weeks after we get back.
so here we go......
please keep us in your prayers!!

2011-11-28T10:37:00.000-08:00

things i'm thankful for this year-

this crazy guy...:)

and these 4 of course-
and i was especially thankful on thanksgiving that they sat at the table and colored for half of the day-
it was wonderful....

and i've never been so thankful for or excited about mirrors :)
dave and i can walk around with a little more confidence these days just knowing there's nothing too startling going on with our outsides....

and PATIENCE. thankful for patience on mornings like this-
neiko's handywork.
every now and then he likes to empty his entire sippy cup of milk onto his high chair tray and then splash in it.

well, nothing new is going on as far as the adoption.
as the new year gets closer i am feeling frustrated that we aren't any closer to adoption then we were this summer.
our deadline is april 15th and then our guardianship expires.
i know it is in God's hands, and i am trusting in His plan, but i'm ready for some ACTION. for some steps forward or something.

at least neiko and i are each taking our own small steps forward.

i am reading a very informative and super helpful book on reactive attachment disorder. it is changing the way i parent neiko.
and i joined a group of adoptive moms that meet monthly- i went last week for the first time and it was awesome.
so amazing to be in a room full of women who can relate, and can give advice and support. we spent a good part of our time together just praying for our adopted/foster children, their birth moms, and our biological children.
and praising our Father for His plans for His children.
AMAZING.

and then neiko-
he is finally developing- at 16 months- the stranger anxiety that he should have had at 8 months.
i am secretly loving it.
i think it is a great sign, and knowing he needs dave and i to feel safe is just wonderfully normal.

and he is 16 months. 16.
i guess i've been calling him 14 months for 2 months now.
so we skipped 15 months entirely and he is now 16. :)

i totally know what i'm doing, ok?
i may not get ages right or even names right these days. i may introduce myself to you twice, and i may have a booger on my shoulder or a big splotch of something on my chest. i might ask you the same question twice in one conversation and i might be waaaaay too honest about my feelings at any given moment.
but i have things COMPLETELY under control. :)

yeah i'm totally kidding about the control in case you didn't pick up on that.....

but i do crawl in bed every night- after i've thrown out a stuffed horse or two, and brushed out the sawdust- with thankfulness.
knowing that i am blessed beyond anything i ever dreamed of. and that with the chaos comes more opportunity for growth and refinement.

i must have needed A LOT of growth and refinement.......

2011-11-21T15:25:00.000-08:00

the trick or treating crew-
same crew every year but we keep adding to it.....
we should really think about tapering off at some point.
but how boring would that be ;)

wren's latest phase is the "i'm not tired" phase.
see how NOT tired she is??

she tells me all day how not tired she is and then the first thing she says when she wakes up is a drowsy and slurred, "im not tired..."

mr. trouble-

some days you just have to have a "skip lunch and eat popcorn " day :)

i took on a baby-sitting job for a week a couple of weeks ago. i hadn't mentioned anything to my kids ahead of time, so one day tyden and shaeya came home from school and i was holding a baby.
well, tyden didn't even notice. and at one point shaeya walked by me, leaned over to look at her, and said, "nice baby." and then walked away.
sooo funny to me that it wasn't strange to them :)

this next picture was taken during our 2 & 1/2 hour visit to the dentist. i cannot think of a worse way to spend the day....
our only saving grace was that neiko fell asleep in his stroller (while trying to tell me how not tired HE was by screaming at the top of his lungs) and slept for about 45 min.
when it was my turn in the chair i had a kid beside me in the stroller, one child lying on my stomach, and one leaning over to watch.
at least we came away with no cavities.

and then there's the vaulting. shaeya's dreams have finally come true, and she gets to be on a horse vaulting team. she is LOVING it.
in fact, they all are :)

after her first day she told me, "i was a little nervous, mom. that horse is SO BIG. i mean, i was focused, but i was nervous." :)
she goes to practices 2 days a week which is a pretty big sacrifice for me but she is such a good kid and i'm happy to do this for her.
if only i could keep neiko out of trouble while we are there, and keep wren from asking every 2 seconds if it is her turn yet.

looking forward to our 5 day long thanksgiving :)
we have SO MUCH to be thankful for this year!

2011-11-09T12:06:00.000-08:00

have to start by thanking EVERYONE who prayed for us this weekend.
seriously, thank you so much.

i was soooo nervous all day sunday (i think i ate half of the bowl of the kids' halloween candy that afternoon) about giving the testimony, but the moment we stepped inside the church i felt perfectly peaceful.
i was able to stand in front of a crowd of mostly strangers and re-tell our adoption story. we laughed and cried together as i re-visited all that God had done to basically drop a baby into our laps. PRAISE HIM. it was so good to remember.
and He was so good to help me through something i did not think i could do.
thanks so much for your encouragement and prayers!!

and one other amazing thing-
my sister mentioned to me on friday that her church was hosting a post-adoption seminar on saturday.
i have definitely been feeling the need for more knowledge and practical ideas for discipline and affection when it comes to raising neiko.
so i rearranged my saturday and found a sitter (thanks katie!!) so that i could go.

and i am so glad i did.

it was a wonderful day of encouragement and support- and i learned so much.
i had the opportunity to talk with one of the speakers afterwards and he had so much wisdom to pass on. such a blessing. and now i get to be connected with a group of adoptive moms who meet monthly. wonderful.

still waiting on an address from birth mom. i think i've asked at least 5 times. i don't want to annoy her but we really want to get things going!!!!!!

while we are on the subject of neiko, he definitely says, "don't throw!" right after he throws something :) so funny. and he is just starting to try to say the other kids' names.
and he is playing better with them. a little less destructive, getting into things a little less, throwing things a little less, and playing with toys a little better.
i'm learning that disruptions to our routine just really throw him off. which is unfortunate because i am TERRIBLE with routine. and with 5 kids it is hard to keep what little routine we have.
and now with the holidays coming up.........
crazy.
we invited our goddaughter and her mother to come stay with us for thanksgiving, and we are really excited to have them.
and then after that, we are going to do our best at keeping the christmas chaos to a minimum.
i think i say that every year, but this year i really mean it ;)

.....secretly hoping that dave, neiko, and i will be in arizona around christmas. or shortly after!

2011-11-02T13:24:00.000-07:00

yes, blogging is most definitely taking a back seat. i feel like there is so much going on and i'm struggling to organize my life right now.

we had an AWESOME time in gulf shores last week. the weather was AMAZING, and we spent most of our time just hanging around on the beach. swimming, fishing (okay, i was not in on any of the fishing), beach volleyball (which i was most definitely in on!!), watching the kids play, and just plain lying around.
the lying around was thanks to the 2 babysitters we brought along with us :)
dave and i decided we are spoiled forever by those 2 babysitters- it's gonna be really hard to ever vacation without them after this!!
and with 10 kids in our house and 18 kids total in our group we put them to good use :)

the ladies :)

the babies :)

for some reason tekoa would entertain herself for hours doing this-

in other news-
we are FINALLY going to start up the adoption process again. birth mom moved for the second time- this time to arizona, and she tells us she will be staying put for awhile. so now we settle up with the lawyer in LA, and then start from scratch with another in AZ.
i am finally beginning to understand why people have such big celebrations when adoption is finalized!! you better believe we will have one too!!!

birth mom sounded really depressed last night. please pray that i can have the right words to show her Jesus' love. she is always on my mind and in my prayers. i actually feel a strong love for her and i want to somehow show her that. i pray her redemption is a part of this crazy plan....

also, while we're on this subject-
the church that hosted the adoption and orphan care event that dave and i attended right before we found out about neiko has asked us back to come and share our adoption story.
it is this sunday, november 6th.
i am soooo not good at formal speaking and my husband does not stand before crowds so we need a few more of your prayers for this.
please pray that God will use our testimony to open hearts and homes to more of His children who need them.

and then here at home-
i am LOVING having dave around again!
work on the house has pretty much stopped and we are readjusting to family life. it is WONDERFUL.
so great to feel like a team again and to have someone to share the stories from my day with. and so nice also to have someone to share my workload with for awhile.
oh sure, we are going to need things like mirrors, handles on our drawers, and our own shower eventually- and it would be nice to not have a big pile of trim on our living room, but more than anything we both needed a BREAK.
time to rest and to focus for awhile on our marriage and our children.

and finally, a few of those bloopers i'm sure you all have been missing....

neiko has discovered the joy of pulling diapers out of the garbage and opening them. never had a kid do THAT before....
he LOVES having dave around and has finally started calling him daddy :) :) :)
completely melts my heart. i think more than anything else in this life.

wren is as independent as ever. today at lunch she told me, "here's my carrot, mom, just so ya know."
and wren is dave's biggest fan. but don't call him DAVE.
"he's not dave, he's daddy!"

tekoa finally got kicked out of the bunk bed. shaeya just couldn't take the head banging any longer. so we switched tekoa and wren's beds, and wren is now in the bunk bed. the only reason why we didn't start out that way was because i didn't want to have to change the full size bedding every time wren wet the bed. but it turns out that tekoa still wets the bed just as much as wren, so....

one morning before we left on our vacation i walked out into the main room to find neiko sitting on the kitchen counter top. he had pulled out the chair by the computer, climbed over the keyboard and up onto the counter. he had stopped by the fish tank to play in it for awhile, then moved on the the fruit bowl. and took a bite out of each apple in the bowl.
we were running a bit late (big surprise) so i cleaned up the mess and then handed each kid an apple on our way out the door.
wren was still eating her apple when we got to the gym. i put her in one arm and neiko in the other (getting harder to do! they are growing!!) and we made our way inside. right as we stepped into the foyer wren choked on a piece of her apple and then puked EVERYWHERE. me, her, and the carpeted foyer.
fun morning.

saturday was another fun morning. neiko pulled a pile of used toilet paper out of the toilet and carried it around the house. and after we got that cleaned up he went downstairs and found the wax ring from the toilet we used to have down there during construction. apparently that orange waxy stuff tastes good.....

sorry for the long post! nothing like catching everything up at once :)
please don't forget to pray for sunday!!!!!!

2011-10-18T18:45:00.000-07:00

a few pics from right before the move....

everybody's first night in their new beds-

making progress in the bathrooms. in fact, this picture is already outdated cause i totally have running water in my bathroom now :)

we lived with our tub in our room for the first week. now the room feels a bit empty without it.....

exploring our new backyard-

gave neiko a piece of cake. he used his hair to clean his hands :)

these last 4 pictures were for neiko's birthmom. i wanted to show her his new room-

he loooooves playing out on the patio. he loves being outside in general, so much so that he lets himself out the doors all the time. gotta always keep my eye on this one.....he is TROUBLE! :)

so our second week in our house turned out to be just as busy as the first. the first garage sale did not go well, so i advertised on my own and had it again the next saturday.

also i spent 2 days cleaning a house for dave.

so with making signs for the sale, lining up sitters so i could clean all day, coming home and cleaning all evening, having the sale, hosting a girls night, and helping our good friends move it was another crazy week.

and this week is the school's big fundraiser, which is put on by us school moms, so that tells you what THIS week is like......

BUT THERE IS AN END IN SIGHT.
on saturday we leave for gulf shores, alabama to put all this craziness behind us.
soooo ready to spend a week on the beach with dave and the kids and some of our family and friends.
no school schedules or house stuff or ANYTHING to stress about.
.........unless you count packing for 7 and a 14 hour car ride with the kids. :)

2011-10-06T20:03:00.001-07:00

I have to mention that in the midst of our chaos my little (former) baby has been growing up. she is just another one of the kids now and does everything they do. and she says everything they say.

some of my favorites-

"wait a minute!"

"one more time!"

"i've got a better idea"

"can I go too?? oh, I'm too little....."

"stop saying that, neiko, that's annoying!!"

and

"stop singing! you're hurting my ears!!

of course, she never says that last phrase to ME. ok, yes she does. all the time. :)

She informs me every night that she doesn't like her new bed. Except it sounds more like this- "I don't like dis bed. I don wanna pleep in dis bed. I wanna pleep in foa's bed."

But koa's bed is a bunk bed with Shaeya sleeping on top. And koa still bangs her head. So far Shaeya is so happy to be sleeping on the top bunk that she hasn't complained too much....

So here is a small glimpse into the first week at our new house-

We have no washer and dryer yet. 5 kids plus a week with no washer and dryer.....

and we had a flu bug run through 4 of the kids this week. But thankfully only 1 of them puked.

And then there is neiko. Our move triggered some kind of something with him. He has been truly terrible. Defiant and stubborn, throwing lots of tantrums and throwing food. Pushing every boundary, getting into EVERYTHING, and constantly letting himself out the doors. He is doing something bad every minute.

I had to set up a "time out" pack n play in the living room to deal with some of these behaviors.

But at the end of everyday I sit down with him in the rocking chair in his room with his favorite blanket and some warm milk. And he lays his head on my chest, and I sing to him while I rub his back and his head. And somehow I know my sweet boy is still there. He is crying out for love and consistency and I'm doing my best to give it to him.

He is just trying to deal with another life change and with a busy mommy.

And I will not be this busy for too much longer. I went from cleaning and unpacking to trying to get organized and set up for a garage sale. The neighborhood sale is on saturday and I decided that it would be worth it to join in. The timing is sorta bad but also good.

Otherwise, we made progress with the bathrooms this week, i got the kitchen and our closets organized, the washer and dryer are coming tomorrow, and then after the sale on Saturday the big garage might actually be empty enough for one of us to park in.

Sooooo next week should be better. I'm not saying that this week was bad, I'm just saying that next week will be better......:)

2011-10-02T20:01:00.000-07:00

WE DID IT!!!!

We went through a few frustrating days after our inspection on Wednesday- the inspector left Dave with a loooong list of things that needed to be done before we could get our temporary certificate of occupancy.

My plan was to use Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday night to move our clothes, dresser drawers, kitchen stuff, and food. But when we got that impossibly long list we decided I better just stay home with the kids those nights to allow Dave to get as much done as possible. It was pretty frustrating. I was so stir crazy at home, trying to stay positive and keep packing not knowing if we would get to move this weekend or not. And Dave was working crazy hours on that list. One of those nights he crawled in bed at 2am.......

But he finished everything, we had a second inspection on Friday, and we PASSED.
We were so relieved and excited, and then trying to round up some last minute help for the move the next day.

From there everything went pretty smoothly. We got our stuff moved, cleaned my parent's house, set up beds, and started in on organizing.
And we are still organizing.

THANK YOU SO MUCH to everyone who helped us and who watched our kids!!

We feel so blessed and happy and relieved to finally be together and in our new home!!!!!

We have what seems like endless amounts of trimming, painting, and organizing ahead of us. And we have only 1 fully functioning bathroom- 2 of them do not even have counter tops or sinks. Also our living room is decorated with a huge pile of trim.
But none of that matters at all to us at this point- we are just so happy to be living here.
With 2 parents for the kids, only 1 house to take care of, and no more showings!! :)

2011-09-26T18:12:00.000-07:00

i just have to say that it is pretty pathetic how far back these pictures go.
i laughed when i saw i had never even posted our "first day of school" pictures.

the smile that stops my heart.....
he is so beautiful.

these next 2 pictures do not at all capture what grocery shopping is really like with these two. :)

a normal day at the grocery store gets us a lot of attention.
a little more than i would prefer.

here is tekoa doing what she does best....

tomorrow is "bring a friend day" at gymnastics and tekoa is bringing shaeya :) they have been planning for and dreaming of this day for a week. they are both very excited. so cute :)

at least my delay in posting pictures gives us a little glimpse back into summer.....sigh.......

i'd like to be able to say that neiko had enjoyed some candy or cake or something in these next pictures.....

but it was sidewalk chalk......
gives me chills just thinking about him putting chalk in his mouth.

and we had tyden's birthday earlier this month.
in honor of his 10th my brother allowed him just this once to fish off a dock at the lake that is designated for fish feeding only. he had the time of his life.

and finally, house pics.
our final inspection is on wednesday at 2pm and we are so anxious to find out if we can move this weekend.
we are still minus some countertops, mirrors, and a lot of trim, but as far as we know we should be able to move in.

16 months of being apart almost every night might be over in 5 days!!!!!!!!

2011-09-15T19:32:00.000-07:00

well i have been trying for a few days now to get a bunch of pictures uploaded but for some reason it is just not happening.
so this is what you get. the boring house pictures. which are already outdated....

things are getting REALLY crazy at this point as far as moving and cleaning and finishing up things at the house, so unfortunately blogging is going to have to take a back seat.

also we have had quite a few mix-ups with the cabinets and countertops which adds to the chaos. hopefully we can get things back on track and get enough done this week to maybe move on saturday. that's a big maybe....i'm not getting my hopes up.

so for now we are putting everything we move into the basement of the new house. which means i have a HUGE pile of boxes down there and have no idea where anything is or what i will need or how to get to it. should be a lot of fun trying to get organized.

and a quick update on the adoption-

absolutely nothing is happening.

birthmom is still in south carolina and she says she has no money to get her back to louisiana. so i don't know what is going to happen at this point.

all i know is we are almost halfway done with our year of power of attorney guardianship and our lawyer said that we do not want to let that year run out before we finalize the adoption.

please pray for our adoption.

pray for neiko's birthmom. she is struggling. she needs JESUS.

please pray for her to somehow get back to louisiana.

and pray for our family. we are sooooo ready to be neiko's mommy n daddy and to give him our last name.

but above all please pray for GOD to be glorified and for HIS WILL to be done and for us to have enough FAITH to leave ALL OF IT in His hands.

He began this good work and He will be faithful to complete it.

.......and this is where i would put a beautiful picture of our son and his amazing smile if only blogger would let me!!!

2011-09-07T11:02:00.000-07:00

lots of craziness going on around here...
showings and cleaning
cabinets and trimming
school and driving

we got our island on saturday and are expecting more kitchen cabinets on thursday. which means my husband will stay up all night thursday night to try to install them all before the granite company comes on friday to measure for counter tops.
HALLELUJAH!!!!!!!
the end is getting closer!!!!!
all we need is a kitchen sink and we are moving!!

i am beyond ready to get us out of my parent's house and finally into our own!
especially now that i am showing this one. pure chaos......barely even possible.
but it is not forever! maybe only 3 weeks more!
and my parents do have an interested buyer right now so pray it works out!!
it would be a HUGE blessing to be able to focus on moving at this point and not worry about keeping this house looking perfect at all times!

i am usually the one with all the chaos and drama, but my husband got to have some of that for himself last night when a semi trailer that was delivering some dirt to the new house totally tipped over into our yard.
they had to bring in a crane and a skid steer to right the trailer and get it put back together. and i guess all the neighbors enjoyed the show....
needless to say dave wasn't able to get much work done last night ;)

i mentioned school and driving....
big part of life right now.
and on friday we reached a whole new chaos on that end when we opened the doors of the van to load up and found shredded kleenex everywhere.
we had an extra passenger who had been up the whole night emptying my box of kleenex, chewing up my earphones, shredding a pencil, eating a hole in my cloth grocery bag, and pooping EVERYWHERE.
we had no choice but to just get in and drive cause we had a busy day, but it was so gross. at one point i grabbed my lip gloss to put some on and found a mouse turd stuck to the side of it.
then around 3 or so that afternoon we made it to the lake for a long, relaxing weekend- and my first opportunity for damage control on the van.
i started moving things around, and sure enough, the little guy jumped right out at me. and out of the van.
what a mess. i am still amazed at how thorough the little guy was at making it to every part of the van. kind of reminds me of the time tekoa hid in the van with a red marker......sigh......

speaking of tekoa- she is not attending preschool this year because of the chaos and the approaching move. she is taking gymnastics again, though. once a week. and she is LOVING it.
after her first class they moved her to an advanced class and she is sailing through.
her teachers keep telling me she was built for gymnastics and they can't get over her upper body strength and the way her back can bend :)
not sure if i want her to actually be a gymnast but we are both having fun with it for now- apart from me chasing 2 overly tired past their nap time getting into and climbing on everything toddlers around the viewing area while koa has class.....

waiting to hear from neiko's birthmom about her move. she mentioned last week that it might not happen after all- which would be bad news for us.
we have had some intense conversations lately....tears on both sides.
she wonders if he will want to meet her someday and if he will hate her for giving him up.
this was my response-

"He will NEVER hate you cause we will tell him all about how much you loved him. You loved him enough to let him go when you felt that he needed more than you could give. And you loved him enough to give him a family. Grandmas and grandpas and aunts and uncles and cousins. You are an amazing woman and I will always tell him so. I cannot imagine how hard it gets for you and you totally have my respect for this. And Ali will understand someday- it'll just take time. You have blessed us HUGELY and we will always be grateful."

we are trusting God and His timing, but we are getting really ready to make things official and finally get this adoption finalized. say a prayer for this if you think of it!!

the last item of note is my son's 10th birthday. which is tomorrow.
now THAT can make a girl feel old!!
a decade of parenting.
i'd like to think the first decade is the hardest with all the things you have to do from birth to 10. it makes me tired just thinking of all the sleepless nights and all the physical work of caring for and training and cleaning up after and teaching that goes on during those first 10 years.......but something tells me those days will feel like a breeze compared to what is ahead.....

hopefully my next post will have some pictures cause i've been getting really lazy about pictures!
some pictures of those long awaited cabinets hanging on the wall would be so nice!!!

2011-08-27T17:42:00.000-07:00

anyone who has to spend a day like i did today deserves some kind of award or something....

dragging 5 little kids around town trying to find a pair of shoes for shaeya to wear to school on monday.
not just any shoes.
sandals- cause her feet get so hot in tennis shoes.
with a strap over the back per the school's request.
no heel- because they have to be comfortable.
durable- because i had actually found a pair before school started and they broke 3 days in.
and less than $10 because i'm cheap and i won't spend anymore than that on shoes that might not fit her next summer.

we did accomplish our task and i am still standing.

and here are some positives from the day-

only 1 child peed their pants
only 1 child left a store sobbing over something beautiful i would not buy them
only 1 child got lost and only 2 times, and that child was found again both times before i had to be paged to the front of the store
there was 1 store in which we only had to visit the restroom once instead of twice
only 1 other mom pulled me aside to tell me that "all those kids couldn't possibly be mine..."
i only had to give 1 very discreet spanking
only 1 time did a dad have to jump in and save one of my children from a falling display.....and i'm sure you don't have to strain your imagination to think what could've possibly caused a falling display.....

the theme of the last few days has been, "it won't always be like this....."
my days won't always be filled with crying, fighting, peeing, puking, spilling, etc....

but then....

i won't always be the hero
i won't always tell the best stories
i won't always know every thought that goes through their little heads
i won't always be able to fix every problem with a simple kiss and hug
i won't always have all 5 of my kids tucked safely in their beds all together in my house
so for now i'm doing my best to be thankful, loving, and patient,
and to love them with Jesus' sacrificial love.
it is His love that tells me it is worth it to give all of myself. that it is okay to NOT take care of ME first like the world would tell me i should. that it is a blessing to be able to give, give, give and not receive.
that i can even reach out to others outside of my family and give, give, give and my children won't suffer as some might think, but they will benefit.

it is okay to be used up for Jesus.
it is the only way i wan't to be.

2011-08-19T08:37:00.001-07:00

the last post on katie's blog- http://kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/ inspired me to write about some of the thoughts that have been churning in my head the last few weeks.

here i go.....
i want to start with neiko.
the older he gets and the more he becomes a part of our family the more frustration i feel over not having been there for ALL of his life.
that i never got to kiss his sweet soft newborn skin or gaze into big chocolate brown eyes as he nursed. that i wasn't there to hold, comfort, and bond with baby nikau.
i'm sad for what he missed and for the stability that he didn't have. i'm sad that he wasn't rocked to sleep in secure, loving arms because EVERY baby deserves nothing less. and i'm sad that i wasn't there to teach him with much laughter and encouragement how to sit or pull up or crawl.

i'm sure that EVERY adoptive parent goes through these same emotions, and i'm sure i would've been more prepared for them had i taken classes or studied up more on adoption. and i'm sure some of you who have adopted older children laugh at my missing a mere 8 1/2 months....

but 8 1/2 months is long enough. long enough to forever mold and shape a tiny baby trying to make all the right connections out of life and love.

there are things about his personality that drive me crazy but i NEVER blame HIM for them. these are the things that stem from being born into a broken world and into a broken family. these things are the result of his being without unconditional love for a good part of his babyhood.

it hurts me to see how long it takes him to learn to trust me. to trust that i will always be there for him. and to learn that it is WORTH IT to listen to me and to obey me. that his little life just goes so much better for him when he does. that the benefits of obedience faaaar outweigh his desire to be independent. that when i speak it MATTERS, and when i say "no" it is for a good reason.

and then.....
i realize why God has a heart for adoption. that we ALL spend part of our lives living without Him and that we are all affected by that time. that it takes us YEARS and YEARS to learn to trust Him and His plan for us. and then we have to learn all over again to trust Him when our spouses and our children and our grandchildren come along, and in and through every circumstance.
and it has taken me a ridiculously long time to learn that it is just better to obey. that my whole life goes better when i do.
obedience comes at a huge cost sometimes but the benefits faaaar outweigh my desire for independence.

"In the same way we also, when we were children, were enslaved to the elementary principles of the world.
But when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons.
And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, "Abba! Father!"
So you are no longer a slave, but a son, and if a son, then an heir through God."
Galations 4:3-7

adoption means family
family means love
love means acceptance
acceptance means freedom

and freedom is what God has been teaching me about. the freedom that is in Christ.
this word freedom would maybe sound a little scary if taken out of context, so the key is freedom in Christ.
and for me, "freedom in Christ" means freedom to enjoy the dynamics of being a part of His family. no more striving to be what or who i am not, but to be me through Him.
freedom means no more reason for anxiousness, because He is in control. and it means less turning inward and criticizing and more turning outward and loving and serving.

i grew up believing that Christianity was about following a list of rules. that it was all about ME and how well i was able to follow those rules. i struggled. i tried very hard to do everything right- and the few times i was able to get a few things right, well, then i could actually look my Savior in the face. but most of the time there was no relationship with Him because i couldn't even see Him through the cloud of shame hanging over me.
and slowly over the years God has shown me that my relationship with Him is waaaay more about who HE is than it is about who I am.

it is so much more about HIS work than it is about mine.
and that when He speaks it MATTERS. it matters above ALL ELSE.
and that our relationship is enriched when i follow those rules but it is not defined by it.
which strangely enough has me wanting to do MORE and MORE for Him.

more of Him and less of me.

He has removed that self-imposed cloud of shame and has left me better able to see Him and hear His voice and follow where He leads me.

and that is the freedom.

and my inability to obey perfectly keeps me dependent on Him. it shows me over and over my great need for a Savior.

and since i can't do much good apart from Him, and my desire is for only Him, then i'm doubly dependent.

dependent and thankful.
oh, so thankful for the grace, adoption, family, love, acceptance, and freedom that my Father freely gives.

and thankful that He continues to teach a very slow learner, and that He continues to love and use His very imperfect children.

2011-08-13T09:18:00.001-07:00

time for some literary therapy :)

where to begin....
lets start from the little one up-

neiko had 3 rough weeks followed by 3 angelic days. he is SO SWEET when he chooses to be and SO WILD all the rest of the time. he is still working on those molars.
i had a nice text chat with his birth mom a few days ago. i felt really good about our conversation. i thought it was really cute when she asked me if neiko plays well with his "brother and sisters." makes me smile.
we had one minor incident with him on sunday. we were out of milk (where was the angel at the front door with a gallon of milk in her hands THIS time??) and so i gave neiko a bottle of soy milk before we left for church. apparently soy milk doesn't sit well with him cause we got to church and he started puking. he puked 4 times with dave taking the brunt of it on his suit coat as he was holding him while i was up front during the singing. poor neiko.....and dave.....i am not chuckling to myself at the thought of it.....not at all ;)

wren is STILL having accidents. in fact, they are getting worse. it makes for a whole new level of chaos around here.
for example-
yesterday morning she pooped at the table while eating breakfast. so gross. i was on the phone with the pediatrician about health records for the adoption while i was trying to clean that mess up. her clothes were so bad that i decided to take them outside and just hose them off.
i was not dressed yet. it was very early and i was still in my pajamas. actually "pajamas" is too generous a word for what i had on. but i live in the country with 3 whole neighbors so i figured it was fine to slip outside and hose off the clothes.
so i'm on the phone wearing next to nothing hosing off poopy clothes getting really wet when a man comes walking through the yard and straight to me.
he was there to take pictures of the outside of the house.
i was beyond embarrassed.
i stood there wet and stumbling over my words as he said things like "move your van, move some toys, glad i caught you outside....."
all i could think about was the clothes i was not wearing.....sigh.

then this morning i woke up to wren all snuggled up beside me. so sweet.
i turned to her and she looked up at me with her big sleepy eyes and whispered, "i pooped."
and yes, she had. in her bed. and that's why she came to my bed to finish sleeping.
i jumped up and started in on damage control. i put her in the big tub in our bathroom with the water running and without the plug in the drain so i could clean up without worrying about her.
while i was gathering up the sheets from both beds neiko started crying. i went to his crib and he smiled at me with a face covered in snot.
so i took his clothes off and put him in the tub too. then i gathered up the sheets once again and ran them downstairs to put them in the washer.
before you judge me too harshly keep in mind that i did not plug the drain so there was no water pooling in the tub.
i do this every now and then when i have to clean up messes while the kids are in the tub.
what i totally bombed on was that i forgot that i had put a little decorative bowl beside the tub the night before for a showing. i had just made it to the bottom of the steps when i heard the crash.
neiko had pulled the bowl off the ledge and into the tub.
i ran back up to find the 2 kids standing in a tub full of rocks and broken glass. SO SCARY.
i pulled them out and awkwardly carried the 2 crying, wet babies to another tub to wash them.
and then when i was done i started in on cleaning up all the glass and rocks from the other tub.
we were very blessed to come away from that disaster with only a few small cuts on neiko's hand. thank you, Father for watching out for them! could've been much much worse.....
and one more thing about that morning- while i was running around trying to clean up everything i glanced at myself in the bathroom mirror and had a good laugh.
i had done it again.
i sometimes dress myself while i'm sleeping. it's the weirdest thing. i go to bed without clothes and wake up fully dressed.
and i'm terrible at coordinating while i'm asleep- i always get a good laugh over what i'm wearing the next morning.....

sooo moving on to tekoa. i had a sudden realization last week of how much she argues with everything i tell her to do. time for some extreme parenting with that one. she's been getting a spanking each time she tells me "no."
which makes for a lot of spankings.
but she is slowly getting it. she catches herself now right after she says it and quickly apologizes and rephrases :)
and as i was tucking her in bed the other night she said, "sorry i told you 'no' today. i shouldn't do that. and it's okay that you spanked me."
so glad i have her approval :)

and then shaeya. she is the glue that holds the rest of the kids together. she is the imagination, the opinion, the helper, and the comforter of all of them. she leads and they follow. they are lost when she is gone. the little ones look to her for help and she gladly gives it.
and she is everything to tyden. she corrects him when he is wrong (which is most of the time), and she tells him what to think and then he thinks it.
when he gets scared at night she lets him climb into her bed and she keeps him safe.
the main battle i fight with her is over clothes.
her opinion is comfort above all else, so the girl refuses to wear jeans of any kind. jeans are cold and uncomfortable (i hold my tongue, but i want to inform her that she should try having 4 kids and then tell me about what it's like to wear jeans.) the quickest way to bring shaeya to tears is to tell her she can't wear her sweatpants to any given event.
oh, and we have a very predictable sunday morning battle every week over a certain pair of shoes that are NOT church shoes. i have never given in but she has never given up....

and finally tyden. he had a big event this week. really big. he was invited by my mom to spend the weekend at the lake and help her with some jobs. he was counting down the days til he could go, but a couple of days before the big day i realized that we were going to have a slight problem. my mom needed to pick him up at noon but i had to leave the house by 11.
i talked it over with him and said he could still go if he wanted to stay home alone for that hour and wait for grandma to come and get him.
okay, he will be 10 in 3 weeks and we live in the country. TOTALLY SAFE. but he and my mom were appalled by the idea.
i decided that it would actually be good for him and told them both that we were going through with it.
he was super nervous but he knew it was the only way to get to the lake.
and my mom kept moving her arrival time up.
i kept telling them both to relax. it would be FINE.
well, the big day came and i settled tyden in with my ipad and told him grandma would be here before he knew it. i kissed him good-bye and walked out the door- only to remember that neiko was still inside sleeping. so i had to go back in and grab the baby and then said good-bye again. he was trying to be brave :)
i finally hopped in the van and drove down the long lane.........only to see my mom's van parked at the neighbors kind of behind some trees.......
still makes me laugh......
she promised she would let him be "home alone" for a little while before she actually went up there to get him. :)
........i guess that's what grandma's do, right??
and i'm pretty sure i'll be the "hide behind the trees at the neighbor's" kind of grandma too :)

all right......time to quit.......i'm off to go help hang some cabinets!!!!!!!!

2011-08-05T07:44:00.000-07:00

for our last day with the kids from the mission we had a celebration at lisa's house.
we all had a blast-
facepainting, nail painting, snow cones, basketball, football, waterslide, trampolines, swings, kittens, pizza, and singing.
all put on by 4 moms, some teenagers, and Jesus :)

needless to say after the 5 hour long celebration i was exhausted :)
i went home and got to spend the rest of the day packing boxes and cleaning the house.

and i decided that it's hard to pack and move while keeping the house looking perfect for possible showings....

here is my new neice! it was waaaaay past time for another baby in the family!
miss emma noelle-
so cute!!

this morning we had our last homestudy visit to go over the report.
looks like we passed :)
just a few more loose ends to tie up to be completely done but there is no hurry- we have to wait for the court date in LA before it can be finished.

my brain is totally maxxed out right now with thoughts of adoption, moving, a praise singing i'm in charge of leading in the barn on saturday night, school supplies, cleaning, picking out tile for the shower in the master bath, and the well-being of 5little ones.

please be gracious if i forget something i was supposed to do, or say something that doesn't make sense, or have eye makeup smeared on my cheek while i'm talking to you.....

i tell my Father every day that i cannot do any of this without Him. it is all for Him and by Him and through Him and because of Him. and He is more than enough.

2011-07-30T19:34:00.000-07:00

starting to move some stuff over!!
but there are too many kids in the van to be able to move much in one trip......

before you all get too excited- we are still waiting on cabinets and a railing before we can officially move. it'll still be a couple of weeks yet.
but the home inspector told us we can move anything over that we want in the meantime.
AND since my parent's house is going on the market next week we are trying to move just enough to make their house look nice for showings.

so here begins the chaos- our things divided between 2 houses, showings at one house and finishing up another.
and school starts in 2 & 1/2 weeks.
this will be a true test of how much i can handle.
i'm tired just thinking about it.

here are house pictures from today. i spent the day there sanding trim, organizing, and sweeping and wiping the floors. with kids hanging on me most of the time.
my knees are raw- literally. they are missing skin.

tyden's room-

hallway in between the 2 upstairs rooms-

shaeya and tekoa's room-

master closet- (i'm showing you all the closets with the hopes that you will notice the beautiful shelves that someone hung....;)

fireplace in the great room- dave and i decided to leave it unfinished for now. we will have stone put on it later-

dining room- we are going to move our table in next week- i haven't seen my table for a year!

that's that.
i am so tired. it's been a really long, exhausting week for me. glad to put this one behind me.

wren has been having lots of accidents lately- don't know what that's all about.
neiko is getting molars and he is really cranky and clingy. i pulled a muscle or something in my hip from carrying him so much- i'm trying to carry him less cause it hurts my hip, but if i'm not carrying him then he is crying at my feet.
makes it hard to get anything done- and there is always so much to do. i feel like if sit down for a second then the house starts falling apart around me.

i probably shouldn't be blogging this late at night after a hard day......my tiredness is showing a bit too much ;)

so now the 2 bright spots in my day-

#1 my wonderful sister-in-law katie brought us lunch at the new house and then stayed and helped me sweep floors. so wonderful.

#2 shaeya had earned $4 from dave the other day and was very proud of it. she had been carrying the $ around with her everywhere she went and talking about all her plans for those $.
then last night she spent the night at the lake with my parents- and my aunt joan (who lives in haiti and is going back there on thursday) was there for part of the day yesterday.

so tonight shaeya was chatting about everything she did while she was at the lake-
and then she asked dave and i if we wanted to know what she did with her $4.
we said yes.
she told us that she gave her money to aunt joan and asked her if she would take it with her to haiti and give it to someone there who needed it.

so sweet. i love to see Jesus working in her little heart.

keep working on us all, Jesus, we need you every minute of every day....

2011-07-26T13:51:00.000-07:00

Psalm 68

4 Sing to God, sing in praise of his name,
extol him who rides on the clouds;
rejoice before him his name is the LORD.
5 A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows,
is God in his holy dwelling.
6 God sets the lonely in families,
he leads out the prisoners with singing;

7 When you, God, went out before your people,
when you marched through the wilderness,
8 the earth shook, the heavens poured down rain,
before God, the One of Sinai,
before God, the God of Israel.
9 You gave abundant showers, O God;
you refreshed your weary inheritance.
10 Your people settled in it,
and from your bounty, God, you provided for the poor.

19 Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior,
who daily bears our burdens.
20 Our God is a God who saves;
from the Sovereign LORD comes escape from death.

28 Summon your power, God;
show us your strength, our God, as you have done before.

32 Sing to God, you kingdoms of the earth,
sing praise to the Lord,
33 to him who rides across the highest heavens, the ancient heavens,
who thunders with mighty voice.
34 Proclaim the power of God,
whose majesty is over Israel,
whose power is in the heavens.
35 You, God, are awesome in your sanctuary;
the God of Israel gives power and strength to his people.

Praise be to God!

happy birthday to my beautiful little boy-

good news!!
neiko's birth mom texted me today to wish him a happy birthday.
which means we have contact again!
i got to ask her more about the move. she is not happy where she is at and is planning to move back to louisiana in september.
which is WONDERFUL. we can pick things up again with the adoption right where we left off.
THANK YOU FATHER!!

and hopefully by then we will be somewhat settled in the new house and things will be a little less crazy for us....

2011-07-18T06:49:00.000-07:00

lots going on around here. lots of things that i haven't taken the time to blog about.

one of which is our work at the mission.
ever since tyden was a baby i've been going down to the mission during the summers to sing with the kids there. another mom from my church does a bible lesson and then we play games with the kids.

we took last summer off as the other mom was adopting 2 boys at the time, and the summer before that we had our little "sunday school" in a neighborhood close by the mission (some of you might remember when I wrote about "summer sessions on wiswall.")

this summer i recruited some more help and we are back at the mission.
and it is awesome. i cannot even describe what a blessing it is for my kids and i to get to spend time with the kids there. the kids sing with all their hearts and the learn my songs so quickly. they listen really well to the lessons, they LOVE game/craft time, and the say the funniest things. (last week a girl asked if katie, my sister in law, was my daughter- really funny, right??)

another thing i haven't written much about is the adoption.
a couple of weeks ago my lawyer called me and said neiko's birth mom was not ready to sign any adoption papers at this time. i was really confused because she had always acted more than ready to give him up.
after a week and a half of waiting to hear again from the lawyer and wondering if neiko's mom was going to change her mind i finally just called her.

and i'm really glad i did. we got to talk for a long time and catch each other up. i got to fill her in on all of the milestones neiko has hit and tell her a little about how he's grown and changed and all that he's learned.
and she told me that the lawyers had things confused. she is still very sure that she cannot take care of neiko and that he is in a better place than she could provide.
and that he looks so happy in all the pictures that i send her and that's all that matters to her.

and then she told me that she was moving the next day to a different state. i promised her i would let our lawyers know and find out what that meant as far as the adoption.
we both assumed that that meant that she would have to fly back to new orleans once we set the court date.
well, after talking to the lawyer i found out that her moving is a really bad thing. it means that all the work we've done in new orleans is void and we have to start all the way over with a different set of state adoption laws.
frustrating. but i'm not letting it get me down. this is totally God's doing and i'm just along for the ride. no use being anxious as i have no control.
i'm trusting in my Savior to bring the adoption about in His perfect timing and in His perfect way. not mine.

and one more thing going on in my life right now is shelving. i'm learning how to install the wire shelving in all the closets in the new house. and i have lots of helpers.
needless to say installing shelves takes me a looooong time. but we try to have fun doing it.

baking and decorating cookies. for no reason at all :)

wren relaxing outside. having a little alone time here in the corner....

the theme of the summer so far has been "next week things will finally slow down."
i'm starting to lose hope....

2011-07-12T18:52:00.000-07:00

www.momentscapturedbyrachel.com

2011-07-07T16:24:00.000-07:00

some mornings are just rougher than others....

of course neiko always wakes up beautiful :)

tea party time....notice the cute matching headbands?

one of those fell in the toilet last week. we decided it was worth saving. wren is still telling everyone, "my headband fell in the toilet....yuck!!!!!"

neiko and i relaxing. looooove these moments with him.

don't have many pictures of wren and i, so i take what i get. naked ken doll and all. at least i cropped off his lower half....

i picked up destiny for 4th of july and kept her for 6 days. i totally enjoyed having some time with her- she is growing up sooo fast. she is such a good kid- very social and energetic!! she looooved being at the lake with all the kids. well, she learned to love it :) she was afraid of everything at first but warmed up to the chaos pretty quickly....

my sister's girls and mine- with pj's and popcorn :)

he still loves this swing. and it gets me a shower every now and then when we're at the lake.
of course, the one time i brought him with me to play on the floor while i took a quick shower the power went out. it was pitch black. and he screamed. and screamed. until i could find a towel in the dark and find our way out of the bathroom. always something, right?

the girls had fun with some body paint. they cornered my grandma and a few of my aunts and painted them too :)

sometimes cameras distort things, right? like my arm? something doesn't look quite right....unless that's just what carrying 2 babies around all the time does....no, it's gotta be the camera.

tyden spent a whole week at the lake before we got there for the weekend. can you tell?

destiny is catching on to the whole horse thing. at first she was asking why all the girls here play horses all the time :)

we celebrated desi's 5th birthday-
her mom thought it was funny that she was in a swimsuit for her party. but hey, when you have 6 kids and the party is at the lake that is just what you get :)

remember when i said, "it's always something?"
well here's what it was today....brace yourself....

i had to call my big strong snake phobic husband to come and help me. we laughed quite a bit at ourselves and each other as we tried to get rid of it (that's a nice way of saying "kill.") i did NOT want that thing hanging around here.

mission accomplished. with no regrets.

i'm letting wren have her first "slumber party" with shaeya and tekoa in the tent tonight....she is sooooo excited. we'll see how this goes....

2011-06-26T12:50:00.000-07:00

i'm a little behind on the house pictures but here is the latest-

i can hardly believe that the end is in sight. but it really is.
we will be moving there in august or as soon as we get our cabinets set, appliances put in, railings on the stairways, and a railing on the patio. and hopefully some shelving in the closets.
we may not have things like base, crown, trim around the windows, or DOORS. but we will be TOGETHER.

front entry-

great room-

master bath and closet-

master bedroom-

mudroom and side entry-

powder room-

kid's bathroom upstairs-

shaeya and tekoa's room-
dave and i started the hardwood this week and we will be focusing on getting the rest done next week.

nothing like an intense homestudy visit and a parade of homes open house in the same week. LOTS of work getting ready for them both and emotionally exhausting having to "show" everything that is happening with our family, our marriage, and with both houses.

i've never been more thankful for the 2 "really strong good guys" i have on my team. :)

2011-06-22T13:18:00.000-07:00

wren and her new friend :)

my handsome boy :)

one of the many wonderful things about him is that he will sleep anywhere. truly wonderful. and that means there are a few rare occasions where i get to actually sit for a minute or 2 when we go to the pool :)

silly absentminded mommy buckled neiko into wren's car seat. and had completely tuned wren out as she asked, "what are you doing, mom??" over and over while i was buckling him in her seat :)

i think he's getting a bit too big for her to hold.....

a few pictures of the wedding in kansas this past weekend.....
most everything went great that day except that the groom was really sick and it was 100 degrees outside- and an outdoor wedding.

a groomsman and the flower girl....

cousins :)

the kids did pretty well for how many hours (24 hours of travel) they spent in the van. we made a few stops along the way to break up the trip......

we got home on monday night and were thrown right back into our normal chaos.
we have our second homestudy visit tomorrow. i am waaaay less nervous than i was the first time :)
and we have the second weekend of the parade of homes to prepare for.
the first one went fine without us, but our fill-ins were overwhelmed by the amount of people that came through. hundreds.
and 2 of those people were interested in buying the house.
and 1 was willing to pay a good amount........
but we decided that no amount of money is worth our sanity. or the vision we've had for this house for the last 15 months.
so, no thank you :)

and now for a couple of cute stories....
the other day tekoa asked me if there really are bad people in this world.
i told her, "yes, there really are. but we don't have to worry about that because we have the best, most strongest GOOD GUY on our team."
and she said, "yep. daddy." :)

well, i told her that GOD and daddy are both on our team, but God is the strongest.
and then we met dave for lunch. she ran right up to him, put her little hands on his cheeks and said, "dad, you're awesome. do you punch bad guys??"
he laughed pretty hard even before i filled him in on the previous conversation. :)

and little wren, as we drove past dave's office building yesterday yelled out, "i see daddy's house!!!!"
poor girl. i can see how that could be confusing. someday daddy will live at "our house" again. except that won't be here at grandma's house. that will be at daddy's other house. then this will be grandma's house again and daddy's other house will be the whole family's house......
can't come soon enough, right wren?

and lastly.....
sometimes God just LETS YOU KNOW that He cares. it seems like ever since we brought neiko home He does this more than ever for me. and i LOVE HIM for those times. i love Him for all times but especially for those times.
like yesterday.
it was our first day back home and we woke up to NO MILK. i know some of you know the devastation of being in that predicament....
we had to rush a bit that morning because tyden and shaeya are in vacation bible school in the mornings this week. so i promised the girls we would get milk on our way back from dropping tyden and shaeya off. and we pulled into the parking lot of the grocery store right as tekoa dumped an entire bottle of juice on her lap and her car seat.
she started sobbing.
i looked at all three little kids and decided that getting the milk would be more trouble than it was worth at that point.
so i drove home with tekoa bawling the whole way.
we got home and cleaned up the juice mess and about 5 minutes later there was a knock on my front door. i opened the door and there was my neighbor standing there with a gallon of milk in her hands.
she had extra and wanted to know if i could use some......

and bam. i know my Savior loves me. and that He cares about the little things as well as the big.
He cares about things on this earth as well as things in heaven. He cares about hearts and thoughts and faith and attitudes. and He cares about milk and He cares about families.
right, buddy?

2011-06-16T18:05:00.000-07:00

i am soooo behind on the blog. i have a million and one things going on and i'm just too tired to get it all out, so i will give you a condensed version.

the first home study visit went great. we only have to have 2 more. plus all the finger-printing and physicals and copies of marriage and birth certificates.
the social worker concluded by saying that our children were very well behaved (thanks for the prayers!!) and that she appreciated our view of the adoption.
relief. i will not be as nervous for the next one :)

this week has passed in a blur of cleaning and working. i've been helping my family's company get another house ready for the parade of homes during the days, and then working on our house in the evenings.
the parade starts this weekend. and i think we will end up meeting our goals for our house but only because of some help from dave's parents and my brothers.
THANK YOU SO MUCH ALL OF YOU!!!!

i LOVED being a part of things this week. i had some help with the kids, so i actually got to work with my husband. i laid hardwood, scrubbed garage doors, shop vacced, moved about 30 boxes of hardwood to the upstairs, and climbed up on scaffolding to help hang shutters and paint trim. and i had so much fun. seriously. it is AMAZING to feel the sense of accomplishment that comes with working really hard and actually seeing an instant result. and to know that whatever i am doing will not promptly be undone. incredible.

the floor is almost finished on the main level, and the outside trim, shutters, and posts are almost done too.
tomorrow we should be ready to focus on cleaning things up and making it all look nice.

then it will be time to pack our bags cause we will be leaving for kansas early saturday morning. dave's brother's wedding is in wichita i think and it is a 10 hour drive.
so we will be driving 20 hours in one weekend with 5 children.
the upside of this will be that i can totally catch dave up on every little thing he's missed over the last year. 20 hours should just about cover it ;)

all the funny children-related stories will have to wait cause i'm exhausted, and hopefully i can take time to take some pictures of the house tomorrow when it's all ready for the parade.

oh, and if you're going to come through for the parade, make sure you do it NEXT weekend when dave and i will be there!!

2011-06-08T08:19:00.000-07:00

"We bend.
I bend to sweep crumbs and I bend to pick up little ones and wipe away tears. I bend over a big pot of stew and I bend to fold endless laundry and I bend over math books and spelling sentences and history quiz corrections. And at the end of these days I bend next to the bed and I ask only that I could bend more, bend lower.
Because I serve a Savior who came to be a servant. He lived bent low. And bent down here is where I see His face.
He lived, only to die.
Could I?
Die to self and just break open for love.
This Savior, His one purpose to spend Himself on behalf of messy us. Will I spend myself on behalf of those in front of me?
And people say, “Don’t you get tired?” and yes, I do. But I’m face to face with Jesus in the dirt, and the more I bend the harder and better and fuller this life gets. And sure, we are tired, but oh we are happy. Because bent down low is where we find fullness of Joy.
Praying for you as you bend today for whoever is in front of you. He will meet you there."
-auntie katie from THE JOURNEY

thank you, Jesus for constantly reminding me that i'm here to serve. that this is not too much or too hard or not 'not what i had planned' but this is living abundantly. this is my Father's work. this is serving and loving HIM.
if only i could learn to remember that all on my own without always having to be reminded!

i am feeling a little overwhelmed with all that is going on.
i need to do better at resting in Jesus and remembering that He is in control.

tomorrow i have some girls coming to help me deep clean. PRAISE JESUS. i don't think i would make it without that boost. i have been cleaning and organizing closets and re-moving boxes and trying to get things looking nice around here for the home-study visit on wednesday.
and because we are going to start showing this house very soon.

tomorrow is also tekoa's pre-school screening to see if she can get into pre-school in the new school district for the fall.

with all these thoughts running through my head plus vbs at my church starting this week and getting songs for and hearing everybody's opinions of the praise singing before church and running the nursery at church this month and dave's brother getting married in kansas in a week and a half and the parade of homes coming up and flooring and light fixtures to quickly pick out i am feeling pretty maxed out- and a bit scatter brained.

and it is showing. embarrassingly enough.

last sunday after the praise singing i helped dave get the 2 little ones upstairs for the service and then went to tekoa's classroom to teach sunday school for that day. i got the lesson ready and greeted all the children and as they were starting to settle in a friend came to the door carrying a crying tekoa.

i had forgotten all about her.

i was in HER classroom getting HER lesson ready and greeting HER friends and did not even realize that she was not there.

and then yesterday we went to a birthday party at my grandma's house, and when it was time to go we loaded up the kids and started pulling away without shaeya. they had to flag us down.

that happens, right??

and then the worst was today. i took the kids to the pool, and when we got there i told them not to get in the water until i put their sunscreen on.

i was holding neiko as we walked in and i saw an old friend so i stepped about 10 feet away from the kids to say "hi." and wren decided to jump in the water anyway- without her floaties on. there were 2 girls in the pool that saved her.

that happens too, right??

it's just a good thing they belong more to God than to me.

and i'm really hoping that things slow down a bit after this month.

(but my husband would tell you that i ALWAYS say that, and it NEVER happens :)

here is a picture of a mother's day gift gone bad-

it hung like that for quite awhile before i finally took it down and threw it away. (it used to say "faith" :)

sometimes you just have to take a picture of them sweetly sleeping.....

shaeya and wren's birthday party (1 of 2)

neiko loves the swing at the lake

really loves it....

and sometime he just needs a little peace and quiet. hard to come by around here....

the good thing is that all those concerns about neiko not being like my kids were as babies are slowly fading. he is becoming more affectionate and social and just fitting in more and more.
it is amazing to watch.

he was really trying hard to walk for awhile but now he is slowing down a bit
(but only when it comes to walking!)

tonight he said, "go."
it was really cute. i was telling the kids we needed to go and he said "go" plain as day.
and he waves "bye-bye" now too. genius :)

say a prayer for us on wednesday if you think of it!

2011-05-26T20:08:00.001-07:00

things were a little rough around here for a few days this week.....
wren and tekoa weren't feeling well and neiko cut 2 teeth in 3 days.

our weekend was busy. we spent most of saturday at the new house. i tried to stain some cedar planks for our outdoor ceilings and tried to paint shutters as dave made them.
needless to say the kids and i were all covered in paint by the end of the day :)

our first 'before church worship session' went really well on sunday. we had a good turn out and the singing sounded amazing. it's kind of a big step for my church and i'm really excited to be a part of it- even though this is the craziest time in my life to take it on.......funny how i feel like i keep saying that but then keep adding to my workload and it somehow all comes out all right......most of the time.....

sunday afternoon we only had the three littlest kids so we tried to order our paint for the walls and then we tried to eat dinner at a restaurant.
neither went as we had hoped.
the evening ended with us walking out of the restaurant- dave and wren covered in puke, and neiko and I soaked with pee.
i thought it was kinda funny, but dave did not :)

monday night i stayed at the new house really late with the kids trying to shop vac some of the dust to get ready for paint. by the time we got home we were all really tired and covered in drywall dust which made for a not so fun bedtime.

yesterday was our annual music performance at the courthouse for the kid's school- which was moved to the mall because of the weather. the kids did REALLY well. they sounded great. and i was too busy leading up to yesterday to even think about being nervous which worked out well :)

neiko is 10 months old today :) he is growing and changing so quickly. he learned pat-a-cake last week and is definitely taking steps now.
last night he let go of the leg of his high chair on his own and walked to me. it was amazing :)
he is so funny.
he is a SMART boy- and he LOVES to tease. he loves getting a reaction from me and the other kids. the second he knows anyone doesn't want him to do something he gets this big grin on his face and goes at it full force- but just for a minute and then he stops on his own.
he crawls sooooo fast- it's hilarious. he's starting to use a foot and a knee instead of both knees to make himself faster and it looks so funny.
he has been letting me cuddle with him more the last few days and i LOVE it. tonight he laid his head on my shoulder and played with my hair for a long time. and every now and then he would tip his head back and close his eyes just waiting for me to kiss him.
and my heart would melt....

we have the date set (june 8th) for our first in-home visit for our home study. i'm a little nervous about how it will go, but i know that i don't need to be. this is God's doing and it will always be.
but i just might need to call in some reinforcements to help get this house in shape before then.....

wren turns 2 this weekend. and i have mixed emotions on that. at least she's not my last baby anymore- softens the blow a little :)
she is talking so much. she is at that really fun age where she says new things all the time and it takes me quite awhile to figure out what she is saying. but she patiently repeats herself until i get it :)
some of her latest phrases are, "wait for me!" "i'm coming in there too!" "love you have a good day!" "what doing, mom?"
she watched a movie with the older kids last night while some of my cousins were over and this morning i asked her if she like the movie and she said, "it kinda scary, mom." she only had to repeat that one 3 times before i understood her. :)

tekoa has been getting her own ice for her drinks lately.
she opens the freezer and then pulls up a chair and reaches into the ice maker to get it.
a few days ago she told me, "i love ice, mom. and sometimes when my hands are really sticky i wash them with ice."
i said, "you do? .......then what do you do with the ice when you're done?"
"oh, i just put it back into the ice maker...."
luckily I don't ever use ice. just dave and the kids. and our guests....

shaeya and tyden have 1 more week of school. they are really excited.
and i am failing miserably right now at getting them to bed on time and helping them with homework, so i am looking forward to living with a little less guilt when school is out. :)

wednesday is their end-of-school field trip and also shaeya's 7th birthday.
she makes me smile just thinking about her. so confident and helpful and talkative.
she's still asking for a real horse for her birthday like she has every year since she turned 4 :)
i wonder if she'll ever give up.....

here are the most recent house pictures- things are starting to come together!!!!

2011-05-19T12:27:00.001-07:00

this is what one side of my kitchen table looks like.
we are making some progress with all the decision making....i think.

the drywall is done and it looks amazing. the taping is halfway done.
i think they start framing up for the driveway and 2 patios on friday.

i don't know if i mentioned yet that our house will be in the parade of homes which is sometime at the end of june- we are hoping to have the inside painted, the floors laid, and the landscaping done before then....we have our work cut out for us.

the girls have been amazingly good. they have been playing together so well- a miracle.

tyden is going through kind of a tough time as shaeya is pulling away from him and playing "girl stuff" with tekoa more and more.

also, his best friend at school (who happens to be a girl) is starting to want to play with shaeya during recess instead of him.
i feel bad for him, but it's definitely time for him to find some close friends who are boys.
just another reason why i'm anxious to move! there are 3 boys his age in the new neighborhood!
but in the meantime i don't think it's bad for him to learn to play alone. and to learn to use his imagination instead of always relying on shaeya to entertain him.

tekoa graduated from preschool today :)
she had been rubbing it in to tyden and shaeya that she only had "one more day" to go.

on tuesday morning as i was getting her ready for her second to last day of school she said, "mom, i have 2 more days of school, then one more day, and then i'm FREE!!!!!"
i laughed pretty hard. apparently preschool really ties ya down :)

my brother has a baby raccoon that my kids are in love with-

this is neiko trying to get to me from the grass- he doesn't like grass :)
i think he calls me mama, what do you think??

its been a month since we brought neiko home.
people keep asking me if he feels just like one of my own now.
and i don't really know how to answer that question....

for awhile I was feeling a little bit frustrated with him for not responding to me like one of my own babies would at certain times. I kept thinking that with time and love he would end up being just like one of my babies.
but then my husband reminded me that I can't expect that of him. i can't just pretend like the first 8 & 1/2 months of his life didn't happen.
they did happen.
and he didn't get everything he needed during that time.

so i need to be okay with not having the same exact bond with him as i did with my own babies.
it makes things much easier on us both when i accept that and love him just the way he is.

this means not trying to force him to let me rock him when he doesn't want to be rocked. or not being disappointed when he pulls away when i kiss him, or not being frustrated when he doesn't want to interact with me the same way my babies did.

we are still learning each other's moods and likes/dislikes. we are still figuring each other out- it just doesn't happen overnight. even with a baby.
the good thing, though, is that i love him. he is so very sweet and funny and CUTE.
and his smile is the most beautiful thing in this entire world.

AND i know that with time, he will be like one of my kids.

also- while i'm on the subject of neiko- his doctor appointment went really well. my pediatrician said he looks great, and he's right where he should be for a nine month old.
he is in the 80% for weight and the 83% for height.
and she is okay with the lack of medical history for now. relief.

want an example of how amazing our God is?
i had a rough day the other day. i was feeling a little down and really frustrated with how i just can't get everything done in a day that needs to be done.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor with all the kids climbing on me and/or fighting for my attention and looking around at the pile of dishes in the sink and the filth on the floor and the unfinished homework on the table and the pile of samples to sort through for the new house and all the unmade decisions that they represent and i wanted to QUIT. all of it.
and then i felt guilty for having those feelings.
so i asked God to help me. to speak to me and lift me up.
i reached up to the counter and pulled my "Jesus Calling" book down and this is what i read:

"I am a Mighty God. Nothing is too difficult for me. I have chosen to use weak ones like you to accomplish my purposes. Your weakness is designed to open you up to My Power.
Therefore, do not fear your limitations or measure the day's demands against your strength. What i require of you is to stay connected to Me, living in trusting dependence on My limitless resources.
I AM NOT A CARELESS GOD.
When i allow difficulties to come into Your life, i equip you fully to handle them. Relax in My Presence, trusting in my strength."
Luke 1:37 & 2 Cor. 12:9

i am so thankful that He is patient with me as i try to learn to depend only on Him and to live by His grace alone.
i am thankful that He can use weak people.
and i am thankful that He keeps reminding me that my #1 job in this life is to have a relationship with Him and to strive to bring Him glory.
and i'm so very thankful for the tremendous blessing and opportunity i have to serve and teach 5 of His children everyday :)

i am also thankful that over the weekend i was able to meet with a group of people from my church and as a result of that meeting i am being given the opportunity to help lead a time of worship before church every sunday.
i have been seeing a vision of this worship time for about a month now, and i can't believe that is actually coming to be.
to God be all the glory!!!!

....getting to church early every sunday means someone's gonna have to just go in their pajamas. hopefully it doesn't end up being me :)

2011-05-11T12:53:00.000-07:00

how's this for details, aunt rachel??

neiko has finally learned to love the sling....a MUST in this family :)

hammocks are nice too....

cousins :)
they all love him......a little too much sometimes :)
tess asked amy the other day, "what's the baby brother's name again??"
so cute.

he's not so sure about grass....

only 3 school days left for tekoa. she is counting down.
she has show n tell tomorrow and she is bringing a toad. i sure hope her teachers won't mind....
i found this same toad hopping around in my bathroom last night- i'm SURE she will keep a close eye on it at school.

a few other updates:

mother's day was wonderful.
the day started with dave and i picking up tyden and shaeya from my sister and then rushing to church and then shaving off tyden's mohawk in the church parking lot before we went in :)
but after that, we skipped out on everything that was going on that day and just stayed home. we had a picnic, jumped on the trampoline, sat on the dock and put our feet in the water, went for a walk, played on the playground.....wonderful.

neiko finally has a doctor appointment set up. he goes on friday, and hopefully all is well.

also, the drywall is being hung at the new house!!!
SO exciting. it already looks so different.
should be finished by the end of next week.
and the brick and stone should be finished by the end of this week.
the kids and i went out last night to help clean but i forgot to take pictures.

dave and i were a little frustrated last night at a few dents and scratches on things from the drywallers. the front door has a big dent and some of the fascia has to be taken down and replaced, and worst of all- my baby gate play yard was broken. must have gotten stepped on or something.
as i was getting ready to head home i told dave, "you know, all of these things are just things. they are all going to be dented and broken eventually anyway. and it works out better when our kids aren't the first ones to do it....."
and dave said, "yea, i guess. and dents just add character, right?"
"right."
then i kissed him good-bye and drove off.
drove to a gas station and as i was backing out of the parking lot i backed the van right into a cement post.....
and now our van has character.
my phone call to dave went something like this,"sooo.....remember that speech i just gave about things being just things??......"

and speaking of character.....here's a video of tekoa dancing at mom's night at her school.
she makes me laugh.

and here's one of wren and neiko....they are getting along much better :)

and okay, one last video-
a sign that maybe, just maybe, i take too many pictures of my kids....

2011-05-06T19:42:00.000-07:00

found this in my glove box yesterday-

i can hardly believe what God has done. i'm still a little bit in shock.
MY WHOLE WORLD has changed since i shoved that card in my glove compartment.
the girl who rode back in the van with her husband that night with a heart breaking for the fatherless had NO IDEA what was in store.
no idea that her God was at work on something HUGE. that He had been cultivating in her a heart for children in need her whole life to lead up to THIS TIME.
and that girl has CHANGED so drastically since then. just 4 incredibly short and incredibly long weeks ago.
....and still a work in progress....
when i get stressed out about the complexity of the adoption process i have to continually remind myself that this is GOD'S WORK and not mine. He will bring it all to pass in His perfect time and in His perfect way. and for His perfect glory.

wren is warming up more and more....

shaeya and tekoa are still friends....

the whole crew-

the kids are already getting in the mother's day spirit :)

and this is right outside our garage.....how fitting :)

neiko is doing great in the crib and he is feeling a little better. praise Jesus for both!

crazy hair day today at school. i cut ty's hair last night into a mohawk. he is feeling really cool. probably will have to go before church on sunday though.....

things have been going fairly smoothly the last few days apart from a few minor disasters which included wren eating a third of a very large jar of children's vitamins and an unknown amount of toothpaste in the same day, and a stray cat we took in that spent 1 whole day traveling around under the hood of dave's truck and another whole day wandering the air ducts in our house.
don't ask.

"the world's way of pursuing riches is grasping and hoarding. you attain My riches by letting go and giving. the more you give yourself to Me and My ways, the more I fill you with inexpressible, heavenly joy."
-Jesus Calling

keep teaching me, Father.
i cannot live without Your heavenly joy.....

2011-05-04T13:30:00.000-07:00

the meeting with our lawyer went pretty well.
i am feeling a bit overwhelmed by all that needs to happen in order for us to adopt, but at least WE HAVE HIM.
and i feel that that is what God wanted.
it would be really scary and hard to wake up every morning knowing that my son was in the care of someone who neither loved nor wanted him. (his birthmother's ex-roommate)
who knows what could've happened during that time....
thank you, Jesus for being all-knowing and all-powerful.

we will start with another trip to new orleans. this time dave goes with me, and we meet with a lawyer to petition for full guardianship. and at this time neiko's birth mother will be giving up more of her rights to him.
then we come home and go through a home study and take the classes to get our foster license.
we send out a public notice to neiko's birth father, and if there is no response, we claim abandonment and have his rights terminated.
and THEN i think we will be free to adopt.

it's amazing how one mom handing over her child to another can be so complicated. and expensive.
but we are willing to do what it takes and we are trusting that God will be faithful through it all.

please pray for neiko in the next few days.
he is cranky and not eating or sleeping very well. i think maybe he has an ear infection, and he also has a rash on his face and neck.
funny how none of this would worry me if it was my own child, but since i don't know much of his history i worry just a little.

it took until today to get neiko added on to our insurance, and when i called my pediatrician's office to make him an appointment they told me their computers are down. and i can't make an appointment until friday.
hopefully everything will work itself out....

i think i'm going to try to put him in the crib in wren's room tonight.
he has been sleeping in a pack n play in our room all this time, and he's becoming very aware of the fact that mom and dad are sleeping right by him.
i keep waking up at night and seeing his big brown eyes peering at me over the side of the pack n play :)
and he is a very early riser. very early.
so early, in fact, that my kids actually get to school on time more often now than before neiko lived with us :)

hopefully wren is settled enough in her new bed to not feel like she was kicked out, hopefully they can share a room without too many issues, and hopefully neiko and i will get a little more sleep than what we have been getting....

2011-04-30T07:39:00.000-07:00

starting in on some changes.....
wren is taking her nap in a "big girl" bed today. her first time out of the crib.
she kept saying, "i don't like this bed" as i was tucking her in, but then she fell right to sleep....we will see how tonight goes.

i moved tyden and shaeya's beds into the toy room, and tekoa's bed into ty and shaeya's old room.
i am going to try to transition neiko out of our bedroom and into the crib in wren's room after wren gets used to the new bed.

i called catholic services today about starting in on the home study process,
and tomorrow we have our first appointment with the adoption lawyer.
here we go....

neiko LOVES catchable bubbles :)
they leave a nice, sticky residue everywhere they land, but some things are just worth it, right?

wren's zhu zhu pet nightmare....
"hang on, honey, mommy will get it out.... just have to take a quick picture first, ok?"

house pictures!
i spent the day on saturday cleaning this garage out. wren and neiko played in a sandbox that i set up in the house, and the rest of the kids played outside with the neighbors. went pretty smoothly- apart from neiko's hair being coated with bright purple sand.
(i really don't reccommend the colored sand for anyone who might be tempted to try it....)
and i was able to find places for naps for tekoa, wren, and neiko :)

water lines. looks really complicated.

insulation!!!

wren was "working" too :)

the girls LOVE the secret hideout their daddy made for them in their room.

and.....BRICKS!!
It does wonders for me to finally be able to see the progress.
thanks, dave, for all your hard work during a really loooooong, cold winter. you are amazing.

my new normal-

and just so you know.....
i am aware of the fact that my "hands are full" and that i am a "busy mother."
i really don't need to be reminded of that on a daily basis.
feel free to tell me that my kids are cute or funny or sweet- or that they are a PRECIOUS GIFT from my Heavenly Father.
but don't tell me that i "have my work cut out for me" or that i'm "lucky i haven't lost my mind yet."

yes, some days are HARD.
but i am doing what God has called me to do, and i'm trying really hard to let go of some of the things in my life that won't matter for eternity.
i am praying that He will continue to chastise me, refine me, use me, teach me. that He will continue to push me out of my comfort zone for His glory.

"and He said to all, 'if anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. for whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it.'"
luke 9:23 & 24

please pray for our meeting with the lawyer at 10am tomorrow!!!!!!

2011-04-27T07:50:00.000-07:00

the face that gets imprinted in my heart a little more each day....

i never knew it would be like this.
i expected hard. i expected chaos. i expected doubts and fears.
and trust me i have ALL of these, but i also have LOVE.
and perfect love, the love that is given only by my Father, casts out fears. it covers all things. it hopes and endures all things. it seeks not it's own.
it looks into those beautiful brown eyes and tells me this is right. this is what was planned from the beginning.
it overflows in me as my little boy learns to trust. learns that when i leave the room i WILL ALWAYS COME BACK.
it overflows as he learns to let me kiss him and to finally kiss me back.
and as he grins and reaches for the arms of his new daddy.

you will never know, little guy, what it is to feel rejected and abandoned by the one who was supposed to love you. Jesus took care of that for you.
Jesus LOVES YOU SO MUCH. glory in the highest....

here are some pictures of my first shopping adventure with 3 little ones...

my soon-to-be neighbor told me that morning of a sale on kid's clothes going on at the mall, so i loaded up the kids, grabbed my double stroller from the garage, and met her there.

i parked the car, then went out in the rain and opened up the stroller. imagine my surprise when i found it to be already in use.
a family of mice had made their home in my stroller. chewed up everything and left LOTS of proof that they had been residing there.
so gross.....but i really wanted to go into the mall....so i did what i had to do.

i pulled out the nest and the chewed up liner, covered the area with a towel, and put my babies in it.
i prayed that no one would notice the terrible smell coming from my stroller while i shopped.

after i finished my shopping i went back to the car, took the kids out of the stroller, and then left it by a dumpster outside of the mall.
now i'm just praying that none of those mice are in my VAN.
and i'm on the hunt for a new double stroller.....

last night we initiated neiko into my dad's family with a dinner in celebration of him and also of my grandpa's 76th birthday.

neiko and livie checking each other out :)

neiko got to spend some time with aunt sally- the one who found him his new family.
we can't thank her enough. she is a beautiful witness of God's love and compassion. she is a DOER and not just a hearer, she is out there going where He sends and serving those in need on a daily basis. we love you, great aunt sally!

i took some videos the other day and here are my favorites-

this one is tekoa telling me what her "problem with wren is." so funny.

and oh yea, the new house is being insulated today. praise the Lord we are moving on to the next step.
it is hard sometimes not to get frustrated that our "move in date" is going to come and go pretty soon here and we have not even dry-walled yet.
there have been so many unexpected delays.
but i keep reminding myself that God is sovereign. even over the building of our house.
i repeat my verse-
"Surely just as I have intended so it has happened, and just as I have planned so it will stand."
Isaiah 14:24

as you can see, my former saying, "i can only do the best i can do" has been replaced. He is changing me. so much for the better...

2011-04-23T20:43:00.000-07:00

the hair cut :)
hard to cut off those curls but it needed to be done- he had long hair and some really large bald spots in the back....

before

during

after :)

chilling with aunt amy...

he doesn't like to hold his own bottle, so when i'm busy he gets this...

i am so shocked at how easily my kids accept nikau as their brother- he fits right in.
if he fusses in the car wren is quick to say, "don't CRY, nikau!" or "baby's hungry, mom!"

we are changing the spelling of nikau's name. we want him to keep his name because he already knows it, but the spelling is a bit confusing. we are thinking 'neiko' 'nieko' or 'niko'. leaning towards neiko, but not 100% sure yet. and we are looking for a new middle name- his current one is armani.

we definitely have our moments where we feel overwhelmed with all we have going on right now, but we keep going back to God's word and all of His promises. and we are keeping in mind that a little craziness is worth changing nikau's life forever and for the opportunity to teach and emulate Gods love for him. i am praying everyday that He will give us the grace to do this.

God is working hugely in our lives and in those around us and we are EXCITED.
to Him be all the glory!!!
one of the verses i have had hanging on the pantry door in my kitchen for quite some time has blessed me over and over since we brought nikau home.

"surely just as I have intended so it has happened, and just as I have planned so it will stand."
isaiah 14:24

He reminds me everyday that this is His doing. this is what He intended from the beginning.
and we could not do this without Him.

the kids and i had a nice spring break together. i hate to see it end. the kids were helpful and fun. ty is quick to do anything i ask him. shaeya has a running dialog going on at all times- horses, school, friends...tekoa is my entertainer. there is no end to the things she wants me to watch her do- and she ALWAYS makes me laugh. and wren tries to do anything the older kids are doing, usually with disastrous results- but it sure is cute.

the 3 older ones have been sleeping in a tent together all week (every night i go to bed PRAYING that tekoa won't pee in it- so far, so good :)
and it is killing wren that she can't sleep with them.
i always rock her to sleep after i tuck the older kids in, and this week she's been interrupting my songs every 30 seconds to say, "tent, mama" "ty, shaeya, foa (koa is foa) in tent" "i want tent."
maybe i should have let her try it, but i don't think she would ever go to sleep.... maybe i should just move her in there while she's asleep tonight...she would LOVE to wake up in the tent :)

we have a really full day tomorrow with church, lunch with my family, and dinner with dave's family. but i'm hoping we can carve out some time in the morning to talk with our kids about easter and to worship our Father together.

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to His great mercy, He has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you..."
1 peter 1:3&4

2011-04-19T09:41:00.000-07:00

before i finish out the adoption story i have something else to share-

we had our house inspection on monday. dave was really nervous. he told me ahead of time that NO houses ever pass on the first try. the inspector always finds something that needs to be changed.
so we were both shocked when our house PASSED. on the first try. the inspector said it was the best he's seen yet.
praise God!! just another reminder that He is in control :)

i wanted to briefly hit on nikau's first day and night with me-
i think i left off with my mom and i heading back to the airport on friday.

we had spent a good amount on tickets that enabled us to fly to new orleans and back in the same day. so we didn't pack anything.
of COURSE one of our flights got cancelled. we had been up since 3:30 that morning, had been through a VERY emotional day, and had a new baby with us. we were EXHAUSTED and just really wanting to get back, but we ended up having to stay over in memphis.

poor nikau didn't have many clothes with him, just a few shorts and t-shirts. it was freezing outside and he had no pants, jacket, socks....nothing.
it was really late, and we had to wait outside for an HOUR in the cold for a shuttle to take us to the hotel.

once we finally got there we discovered they had no food (we hadn't had much to eat all day and i was starving) and no cribs.
and i was feeling pretty discouraged that i had to leave my other kids overnight, and for a most of the next day since our flight wasn't rescheduled to leave until 2:40pm on saturday.

after a night of no sleep due to a lack of curtains, a bright light outside my window, and people outside talking loudly and fighting loudly all hours, i was even more ready to get home.

we convinced someone at the front desk to get us a shuttle to walmart so we could get nikau some warmer clothes, and then we checked out of the hotel and headed back to the airport. we got there about 1pm and found our gate only to discover our flight had been delayed. and it continued to get pushed back farther and farther.
i was SO AFRAID they were going to cancel again, and we kept trying to think of different ways to get back to branson, but there was nothing we could do but keep waiting. most of our problem was that we had left my sister's van at the airport in springfield and we had the keys with us.
but, finally around 6:30pm after many complaints from all of the people who were waiting and had been waiting since the day before like us, a supervisor finally came and rounded up a new pilot to fly us back.

we made it back to branson by 8:30 that night. i got to introduce nikau to his new brother and sisters, then we went to bed and got up at 4 the next morning to drive the 6 hours back home.

nikau finally got to meet his new daddy, and LOTS of new family members and friends :)

since then we are settling in. i am trying to learn nikau's routine and likes/dislikes. he is a very sweet boy who LOVES to be held. he is serious about food and sleep.
he loves to watch the other kids and he is getting more and more attached to dave.

God is continuing to mold us and make us fit for this task. it is all HIM and HIS WORK.
we are really looking forward to celebrating His resurrection with both of our families this weekend.

Our Adoption Story

2011-04-18T11:13:00.000-07:00

"trust Me, and don't be afraid. many things feel out of control. your routines are not running smoothly. you tend to feel more secure when your life is predictable. let Me lead you to the rock that is higher than you and your circumstances. take refuge in the shelter of My wings, where you are absolutely secure.
when you are shaken out of your comfortable routines, grip My hand tightly and look for growth opportunities. instead of bemoaning the loss of your comfort, accept the challenge of something new. i lead you on from glory to glory, making you fit for my kingdom. say yes to the ways i work in your life. trust Me, and do not be afraid."

Jesus Calling
April 15, 2011

a prayer, a phone call, and these words...and my life is now changed forever.

here's our adoption story-

dave and i have always talked about adoption, and always prayed that if God ever wanted us to adopt that He would show us how and when.
and we were getting serious about pursuing it until we found our lot and put our house up for sale. we decided then to put the adoption thoughts on hold until we were settled in a new house.
and then once we started building the house, every time adoption came up dave would say, "i'm just praying that you and God will let me get the house done first."

and then saturday, april 9th, dave and i were invited to a seminar at cornerstone church on orphan care and adoption.
i felt really strongly that we were supposed to go, and dave surprised me by saying without any hesitation that he would take the night off and come with me.

during the seminar our hearts were moved by the stories of waiting children, children without homes, and scripture verses about caring for orphans and adoption. and at the end of the night we were each given a candle to light as we stood in a huge circle in the dark. someone there prayed for each person that God would move hearts and show us how we could make a difference in the lives of children.
the question was asked, "if you can't change the world, will you change the world for ONE?"

our hearts said YES.
as i blew out my candle i prayed that God would use us for His glory and in His timing show us how we can make a difference. and if there was a child out there waiting for us that He would show us how and when to bring him home.

we talked about adoption all weekend. we talked to our parents and some of our friends about how we would like to adopt someday. we talked about how great it would be to adopt a baby boy from within the US. and we made neat, tidy plans to pursue this further once our house was done and maybe when our children were a little older.

then on tuesday night, april 12th, (4 days after the seminar) i had just put my kids to bed and was rocking wren to sleep when my phone rang. it was my aunt sally who lives in arizona.
she began to tell me about an 8 month old baby boy in louisiana who needed a home.
she said that when she heard of this she immediately thought of dave and i.

my heart was RACING. i could not even believe that this was happening.
and i KNEW.
i knew this was the work of my Father, i knew he was ours, i knew our lives were about to change forever.
i called dave and started by saying, "Dave, we have a CRAZY God......"
and before i knew it i was holding the phone number of this baby's birth mother in my hand and my phone in the other. and my heart was in my throat.

she didn't answer so i left a voicemail and fell to my knees on the kitchen floor and prayed. i prayed that God would lead her to call me back if that is what He had ordained. i prayed for wisdom, and the right words, and for love.
and while i was still on my knees my phone rang again.
it was her.
a thousand thoughts were racing through me and one of them was how do i even start this conversation with this mother?

somehow God led me through it and she ended up telling me that i could come get the baby anytime.

and i have been in a whirlwind ever since.
just 2 days later, on april 15th, my mom and i were on a plane headed for new orleans.

i met my beautiful new son named nikau (neeko) and his mother that day.
we spent a little time with her before we met with a lawyer and signed the papers that made him (temporarily) ours.
his mom and i both cried as she kissed him for the last time and placed him in my arms. my mom and i then loaded him and his car seat and his other few belongings into a taxi to head back to the airport.

and that's when i lost it.
i was sobbing and asking WHY.
WHY is this mother giving away this beautiful baby boy??
and WHY is God giving him to me??
i am so unworthy and so human and so selfish and so imperfect as a mother.
and i have 4 other children...what about those that try and wait and long for a baby? what about the people in my life that are also willing and wanting to adopt?
why me? why now? why this family?

but i cannot deny that this is from God. He has made that so abundantly clear. i know it will not be easy and that i am going to have to depend on my Savior for every day. i know He will give me grace and that His grace is enough.
He is forever changing the life of this little boy, He is working in the lives of my kids, and i know that He is working in dave's heart and mine.

He is making us all fit for His kingdom.

more to follow....

2011-04-07T10:50:00.000-07:00

the potty training has been a BREEZE.
wren was the easiest of my kids to train by FAR :)
she has only had 1 accident this week, and that time she told me she had to go, but i was too busy to take her. so it was kind of my fault.

she is growing up so fast! for some reason taking away the diapers seemed to take away some of her babyness. which is a bit sad for me....

my house is a wreck today.
i really should be cleaning, but i am ALWAYS cleaning. cleaning and cleaning and never getting anywhere.
and my VAN. i took it in today to have some work done on it and i was SO EMBARRASSED at the state it was in.
i'm secretly hoping that it'll come back a little cleaner than i left it....

all right, before i get too far into my complaining, i am going to stop and make a list of the positive things i have going on.
here goes...

1. i turned in 2 excellently done science fair projects today. i did a really good job on them and i (i mean ty and shaeya, of course) should get really good grades for them.

2. thankfully, i kept a few of my jeans that were 1 size bigger. i am SO GLAD i did that. very positive thinking here.

3. my neighbor, ken, has been driving tyden and shaeya to school for me on thursdays. i am so happy for my kids that there is one day every week that they are guaranteed to be at school ON TIME.
.....i wonder if they ask him (like they do me) "are we late today??" everytime he pulls up to the school.....

4. tekoa wants so badly to be big enough to sleep without a pull up at night. i've been letting her try. the positive here is that at least one of my kids goes to bed on clean, freshly washed sheets every night...
and the other positive is that i won't be finding drawers full of old wet pull ups anymore, right?

5. we are so close to being ready for inspection at the house. i mean really close. waaaaay closer than the last time i said we were close. this is like super-duper close. like any closer and it'd be done. seriously.
and it's great to have that anticipation, you know? i mean, we should just enjoy the closeness for awhile....

6. 600 million events written in on my calendar means i am loved, right?? and needed. okay maybe i need to learn how to say, "no", but how BORING would that be??
i mean if i didn't have all that extra stuff to do, and i only had 4 kids, 2 houses, a husband, a dirty van and myself to take care of.....how would i ever fill my time?

7. dave and i both eat lunch most days of the week. and some of those days we get to eat lunch together.
i am so thankful for those days- that is when we do our catching up. we talk around our 2 littlest children and his constant phone calls from work, but at least we get that....

8. we are kicking off spring break a little early next week with a short trip to branson with some of my family. should be a nice break from the routine. we leave on wednesday and get back on sunday and then spring break starts on that next monday.
looking forward to some adult interaction and then a break from the school schedule....

and i really shouldn't even bother to clean the house at least until after spring break, right??

Potty Training

2011-03-31T20:19:00.000-07:00

i really, really should be sleeping right now. i just haven't been doing enough of that lately.
so i'm going to try to fire this out quickly so i can get to bed.

things are as crazy as ever around here.
this week has flown by in a blur of the usual plus preparing for a big fund raiser garage sale that i am helping my sister with, meeting to finalize cabinets for the house, science fair projects, and potty training....

yes, i am potty training wren.
i kept waiting for a low-key week to start on and then i decided i was just never going to have one of those. AND i bought 2 one-piece potty chairs at ikea last weekend and figured we might as well put them to use.
so i dove in on monday. we are 4 days in and wren is doing great.

i'm one of those abnormal moms who actually doesn't mind potty training. because of that i get a lot of people asking me how i do it- not that i have all the answers or any amazing tricks- i just don't find it as tortuous as some.

i like to get it done before they are old enough to realize they can use this as an area of control over me- wren turned 22 months on tuesday.
and this will seriously bore some of you, but here's my recap.

monday i took the diapers away and put her in underwear. i gave her lots to drink, and she went on the toilet three times and on the floor about 7 or 8 times :) she understood what i was trying to tell her about going on the toilet and would get very frustrated with herself when she had an accident. which is a great start!!

tuesday was frustrating because i had a really busy day and i was hardly home so i had to put her in pull-ups (which i HATE to use- they undo everything you work for) for most of the day.

wednesday i was helping with the garage sale but sticking with the underwear. she had quite a few accidents and only peed in the toilet once before dinner. after dinner i had some free time so i gave her a lot to drink and then we played together. and sometime during that time it clicked with her. she started saying, "i potty now" when she had to go. and every time she made it to the toilet she got 2 m&ms and a very happy, excited mom. a few of those times she was only going for the treat and the praise, but hey, that's fine with me :)

today was great. she hadn't had an accident since dinner the night before, so i took her to our meeting with the cabinet maker in her undies- with a little bit of confidence that she would do ok. and she did just fine. only 2 accidents today and one pee on the potty chair with her clothes still on :) a very good day. she is getting it and she is very proud of herself.

here's a picture of where i found tekoa and wren tonight as i was trying to get us all loaded in the van...

things are moving along on the house. the siding is almost done, the shingling is finished, carpentry work on the inside is pretty well caught up, the furnace is set and waiting to have the wires run, waiting for parts to finish the plumbing, and about 1 more full day of electric work to go yet. and then we will be ready for inspection. and if that goes well we can start on insulation and then dry-wall.

i am trying very hard to hold everything together, but i just can't seem to get all things running smoothly at once. i have to keep working on just a few things at a time so that the whole picture comes out ok.
does that make sense??
it's hard for me because i have a really hard time letting things go. i want to do it all and do it right and do it right when it needs to be done. but i'm not sure that it is even possible.

thankfully i have a SAVIOR who will fill in the gaps for me and help me to be all things to all people.

and now my tired, scratchy, pink-eye filled eyes are refusing to stay open any longer....

2011-03-23T14:55:00.000-07:00

this is my proof that i helped shingle the roof for a little while on saturday :)
can you see me? (tyden took the picture...)

it's amazing the difference a nice saturday makes. the kids were so good. we brought their bikes, but mostly they sat and played in the sand. SO wonderful. especially for wren...she sat in the same spot in the sand with a bucket and a barbie for most of the day.
and i only had to pull nails out of her mouth just a few times as i walked by.

we are still working towards dry-wall. it's taking waaaay longer than we ever thought it would....
but we are very close to being ready for the inspection that comes right before we insulate.
and we are hiring the rest of the shingling (we got a little more than halfway done ourselves.)
and the siding is being started tomorrow! we are so thankful that we do not have to put the siding on this house ourselves like we did on our first house. it will save us tons of time!!
so things should start taking shape soon......i know, i know, we've been saying that for a month now....

switching subjects-
here is shaeya's new haircut. she wonders if people will still know who she is. she said she asked all the kids at school today, and they all still knew it was her, so.....

climbing trees at grandpa and grandma k's

tekoa is rubbing off on us all, i guess

it is AMAZING how much cleaning you can get done when the sun is shining and the girls are on the porch with a bucket of water colored with lime jello....makes me SO READY for summer!!!!!!!!!

kristin's 30!!!!
we had a wonderful lunch -with just 3 babies with us- to celebrate. it was so much fun.
thank you, jumpstart, for your new hourly playcare :)

we will be celebrating for real this weekend with a girl's trip to chicago....i am so ready to go!!!
(i LOVE it when my friends turn 30.....)

wren is catching on to the gymnastic/leotard theme that is taking over our house-
is she not the cutest thing EVER?!?!?

and the last of the big news-
shaeya and tekoa are finally starting to play together. it only took 4 years. (i'm pretty sure it has a lot to do with the horse toys tekoa got for her birthday)

they play together and cry together.
and then make sure that i am aware that they are crying. :)

2011-03-15T13:01:00.000-07:00

tekoa's gymnastics party.
the kids had a blast :)
most of the girls that came take gymnastics too, so they had fun showing us all the stuff they've been learning.

dave stopped in during his lunch break which was so fun for tekoa- and for me :)

after gymanstics we went to the barn for cake and ice cream and presents.

yes, i let my baby entertain herself by eating candy off the floor.....

and now that things have settled down this is how tekoa spends most of her day- always on her mat and always in a "beautiful dress"....

and here are some videos-
tekoa dancing and some of her learning to do a bridge into a walk-over. so cute :)

and the last one is wren. i asked her if she would sing the 'strawberry shortcake' song.
typical wren reaction to anything i ask her to do....

gotta love that blue leotard, right?

this morning wren started calling to me from her crib very early. i was tired and did not want to get up to get her (and there's always that slim chance she might go back to sleep, right?)
so i let her yell my name for quite some time before i went and got her.
and when i finally picked her up she looked at me and said, "i's yelling, 'MOM!'"

i know you were yelling 'mom', i just didn't want to come and get you yet.....

and the other morning she was up early enough to see dave before he left for work. he kissed her and told her good-bye and then went downstairs and out the door. she followed him down but he was gone by the time she got down there.
she was all alone and wanted her daddy, so she started to cry...."where daaaaaddy go???
he went awaaaaay!!"
don't know when she learned "went away" but it was sure cute. and heart wrenching. she needs more daddy time than she gets....

i was in the shower one morning last week and when i came out shaeya said, "wren woke up when you were in the shower. i got her out and changed her diaper."
i said, "seriously?? you changed her diaper?"
and she said, "yep."
i told her thanks and the day went on from there.
and then around lunchtime i changed wren again and discovered that the diaper was on totally backwards :)
don't know how she would've gotten it on her that way- probably had to roll wren onto her stomach to close the tabs.
so funny. it would've been hilarious to watch i'm sure....and to know what wren was thinking while shaeya was diapering her wrong :)

and speaking of diapers....i dug out the potty chair today.
just gearing myself up....

2011-03-10T16:04:00.000-08:00

this is what happens to poor #4 when they are sick and don't want to be left alone....

here's a little of what we've been doing to fill our crazy days-

this is the day we sang at the nursing home. the kids were a hit!!
a few of the ladies wanted a promise that we would come back. "well, when do you think you could come back? soon? next week? next month?" :)
and some were just as enthralled with wren playing on the ipad as they were with the kids' singing....
and tekoa had fun. look at her, she LOVED it...

and the HORSE SHOW. afterwards shaeya said, "i can't think of a better way to say how exciting this day was!" she had the time of her life- and i loved watching it through her eyes.
if you ask her, she will give you a list of all the different breeds of horses she saw and what they did and what colors they were....
and if you ask wren about the horse show she will point to her head and say, "horse hit head."
yes, a horse kinda got her in the head with it's nose leaving a slimy, wet trail of horse snot and chunks of grain in her hair. at least it was memorable for her, right?

these are from tekoa's actual birthday. (only tyden gets very confused about birthdays and parties being on different days- i told him one thousand times on tuesday that it was tekoa's birthday and that she was 4 now, and just 5 minutes ago i heard him tell tekoa, "you're not 4 yet, tekoa, you're party is tomorrow...." :)

she got to wear a beautiful dress to school that day which seems to be her greatest joy apart from gymnastics.
and i told her that morning that since it was her birthday i would take her out to lunch after school.
anywhere she wanted to go.....
....and she said "church."
she wanted to eat lunch at church. i'm assuming that just meant she wanted doughnuts and milk.
i guess i don't blame her for "church" being her favorite place to eat lunch....

so tomorrow is tekoa's long awaited party. and the kids are very wound up tonight.
as we were cleaning the barn and setting up for the party shaeya said, "good thing you had all of us kids or else you would have to do all the chores by yourself."

yep. good thing.... :)

2011-03-03T13:56:00.000-08:00

i get my internet back tomorrow.....that felt like an ETERNITY.

i feel like a weight has been lifted off me because we got our appliances ordered, made a decision on our siding, and got the hardwood for the main floor picked out.

AND because it is MARCH.

march means we are that much closer.....

closer to getting the kids OUT OF THE HOUSE.

closer to shorts and flip-flops (i always celebrate the end of washing hundreds of pairs of little socks everyday.)

closer to drywall.

closer to painting which means closer to my husband- can't wait to be able to work with him.

closer to the end of school.

closer to MOVING.

march means it has officially been 1 year since we bought our lot and put our house up for sale. one year since my world got flipped upside down. one year since i lost my husband to the new house.

if we have survived this far we will surely make it to the end, right??

God is so good. He has led us the whole way and given us the grace to take on a couple of full time jobs each and barely see each other and make huge financial decisions and hundreds of other house decisions in the small amount of time that we are together.

and we still love each other. for the most part. :)

and i still love my kids with whom i am stuck 24/7.....

even when they ignore the fact that i am on the phone with someone else, or when they fight over everything, or when they deceive me into thinking they're keeping their pull-ups dry at night and then i find a drawer full of a collection of old soggy wet pull-ups (my genius of a 3 yr old). or when they reach up and pull my heavy glass lid to my crock pot off of the counter and onto the tile floor resulting in a spray of glass that reaches every corner of the room (i still have a piece in my foot that i cannot get out.) or when they take off their diaper and then pee on the floor (she showed me the pee and then told me that she "spilled"), wear their shirts inside out to school, or flop on the spelling test that we went over and over and over.....

yep. still love them. more than ever.

they are my joy, my blessings, my accountability, my reflection of my Father's love for me.

tekoa turns 4 on tuesday and we've been planning a "gymnastics party."

we won a free 1 hour private gym session at the place she takes gymnastics so we are using it for her party, and she is SO excited.

i found her some used gymnastics equipment (a mat, a wedge, and a foam balance beam) on craigslist. she is going to LOVE it. hopefully all my girls and my nieces will have fun with it.

and we are going to a HORSE SHOW on saturday. shaeya is going to be in HEAVEN.

speaking of shaeya....last night at dinner she blurted out, "it's hard to stay alive, isn't it?"

i said, "you mean to eat healthy and drink enough water?"

and she said, "no...it's hard to not get killed. people die in accidents and they get old and die."

i asked her if that made her afraid and she said it kind of did.....and then i had the opportunity i had been praying for to talk with her about who Jesus is to her. and why she doesn't need to be afraid.

i think it went well, but she just doesn't feel as much as tyden does. i hope and pray that the truth is being embedded in her little heart....

and that God will give her and i many more of those teachable moments.

tomorrow i am taking my kids to the nursing home to sing, and i invited the kids from school to come and sing some of our songs from music class.

i am really excited, it should be a lot of fun. as long as my 2 little ones cooperate.....

2011-02-25T08:32:00.001-08:00

the first picture from the slumber party.....

and then the rest-

the party went GREAT. every year it gets easier and easier- a very good group of girls.

i love each one so much and am already thankful for the role they play in my girls' lives :)

and here are the house pictures i promised-

back at my mom's this morning with 2 little girls on my lap. one of whom has been crying all week and challenging my authority and one who has been asking me hundreds of questions regarding getting bigger and grandma meiss.

after the visitation tekoa wanted to know all about heaven and where grandma's heart is and where her body is.....i thought we had it all straightened out until later that night. we got a call from destiny (my goddaughter) and tekoa was taking a turn talking to her and said, "well, we went to heaven tonight to say good-bye to grandma meiss....."

and she is still telling me everyday that she doesn't want to be a kid anymore. she just wants to be big. don't quite know how to get her to let go of that one.....

wren has an ear infection and is not herself. she's been crying a lot and getting into a lot of trouble.
apparently she has discovered the spot where i keep the dishwasher detergent cubes because i keep finding clusters of them in drawers or sacks or toy bins.

my parents watched her the other night for me during team kids and they found one in the bottom of her footed pajamas- along with a little toy horse....

i do watch her. seriously, i do....

and the other day shaeya was in the shower with her clothes laid out on the floor (i cannot convince my kids that the bathroom floor is not the best place to lay anything.)

wren was in and out of the bathroom, and when shaeya finished she yelled out, "MOM!! WHERE'S MY SHIRT??"

long story short, we could NOT find the shirt. we looked everywhere. wren's cupboard, the toy boxes, laundry room....

and it was the only shirt shaeya could possibly consider wearing. you know how it is.....

the next day we were eating lunch and suddenly wren climbed down from her chair, walked over to the heating vent on the floor by the front door, lifted the top off, and pulled out the shirt. she walked over to us and said, "here."

we all had a good laugh....

i realize that the 2 littlest get a lot of the blog spotlight. i need to add a bit more of tyden and shaeya.

they are just so easy and good that they get looked over quite a bit in the midst of the chaos of the other 2. but i love their hearts, i love their stories, i love the dynamic between the 2 of them.

tyden would be lost without shaeya. she tells him what to say, do, and think. and he goes right along with it. (he will make a great husband someday, right??)

the other day dave and i overheard her telling him, "tyden, how many times do i have to tell you that you have to keep better track of things in your brain."

they have shared a room since they were 2 and 4, and they will be separating when we move to the new house. shaeya is fine with it but tyden is not so sure. he gets scared at night and he HATES to be alone (wonder where he gets that??) but it is time. he will be 10 this year and needs to learn not to depend on his little sister for everything.

i wish i had more time to spend with just those 2. and i've been feeling the need to talk with shaeya about her faith and find out what she's thinking and feeling in that area, but it's surprisingly hard to catch her alone.

gotta work on that cause i'm sure it only gets harder....